The Winterfood Diaries

The Winterfood Diaries

Wednesday, 20 December 1989

Sealing A Decade's Fate

‘Flood II’ – The Sisters of Mercy

My day started in with me settling down on Lilith MacMillan’s freezing cold, wiry floor at the shared student house on Tagge Road, in King’s Lynn.

I was under a few thin blankets and Lili’s duffle coat, whilst she lay (fully clothed) under her new quilt (which she had just purchased with a small windfall of money, along with some items of underwear).  After I rushed back downstairs to collect a few items we’d left, I returned to notice her tights, skirt and jumper on the floor by the bed.  I pretended not to notice, but…  I mean… Lilith was semi-naked in bed.  Inches away from me.

In our respective beds, we chatted sleepily as she played a tape that included stuff by The Damned, Jesus + Mary Chain and New Model Army.

She’s well into A CLOCKWORK ORANGE, witches, Vampyres, and the occult.  Which is great.  I like most of that stuff, so we chatted for ages. 

It’s sad that she’s so skint.  She gets about £27 a week from the DHSS and she seemed quite upset that she’s not able to afford Christmas presents for when she visits her family on Friday.  I felt such empathy for her.  In fact, I felt suddenly very close to her, I don’t know why.  But I also felt so helpless.  And even as she told me she has a boyfriend (American) that she’s been with for 2 years, I wanted to touch her, be in her bed with her.  Apparently she finished with him at the weekend but he was so distraught she agreed to try again.  He lives in Scotland at the moment and she sees him about once a month.  That said, she’s also been hanging about with a guy called Ian, but she says he’s being ‘strange’ because she won’t go out with him.  She thinks it silly that he can’t see they could have a great relationship as good chums, which is all she wants. 

‘Tombstone’ – Eat

Much later, we turned out all the lights and by the light of the window, I saw her removing her t-shirt and then her bra.  And she had a beautifully shaped silhouette.

In the night, she got up, put on a jumper, turned on the light, and went to the toilet.  She was wearing boxer shorts, which was really cute and very sexy.  Well, in my opinion it was.

When morning arrived properly, I awoke and she allowed me to join her on the bed.  Emphasis on the ‘on’.  I lay on the duvet.  But we snuggled together and fell asleep listening to NMA again.

She has a beautiful back.

I left her at 11.30am-ish and went into Tech.  In Tech, allow as empty (the last day), but I bumped into Amy, Jonny + Missy.  Amy didn’t speak to me.  Apparently, she’d heard a rumour that I’d slept with Lilith.  Anyway, feeling a bit jarred off about this, I left them and got drinking again, in the pub with various group buddies + Peter Conti.  Bidding many of them farewell at 12.30pm as the coaches left, I also bade farewell to my good friend Joni.  Which felt sad.

Then, Lilith arrived and I sat with her and we chatted.  She looked so depressed.  This only got worse after she had a bit of a scene with this Ian guy.  She ended up crying and crying, tears of thick, black eye-liner running down her face.  I tried to comfort her, but she suddenly stormed off, leaving me feeling numb and empty about her.  I felt like I’d looked into the abyss and been totally swallowed up.

This afternoon, Jonny took his driving test and passed.  Good lad.

‘Sperm Whale Trip Over’ – A R Kane

This evening, I went out to the TWINKLE/ANEMONE gig at The Eagle.  Here, I sat for some time, talking to Lilith who had ‘recovered’ somewhat from earlier.  She was still skint, so I gave her some money to phone her mother with.  She was going to reverse the charges, but I didn’t think that would be the best way of going about it, so I helped her out (and, in a way, her mother).  As we chatted, I asked her about Ian and why she didn’t want to go out with him.  She pretty much said it was because he’s not her type.  It was time for me to go, so I told her I liked her and gave her my number.  I said I’d like to see much of her next term.  She laughed and said we would and that we could become ‘the groovy pair’.  I’m welcome to stay on her cold, wiry floor whenever I like.

When we said goodbye, it was kind of abruptly.  Which was bad.  I hope she likes me + wasn’t just ‘tolerating’ me.

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Next time: ‘Heart of Sadness…’

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