Reflections

‘Foreign Land’ – The Technos


I rang Flash during the week. He told me he’d asked Hayley Warburton out, but he’s been refused. He visited Pickle, but Pickle wouldn’t come out and I think Flash took it personally.

Today, I went into Wisbech at 12pm and got bored, so I bought 2000AD 422 and a Judge Dredd comic.


At 2pm I met Dave. We bounced around a bit. He bought ‘Run to the Hills’ by Iron Maiden.

I bought a publicity photo of the original ABC and some 12-inch safety covers. As time went on, we bought a huge bottle of fizzy orange and it only cost 50p! We struggled with it.

Then we saw Tia Purdey…

‘Cor!!! What I wouldn’t give to get my male part to enter her warm, wet pussy!’

Please note: the above sentence was intended to take the piss out of certain magazines published by a Mr Paul Raymond.
But seriously, Tia Purdey is beautiful. Pity she smokes. But, cor, she’s great!

‘All the Madmen’ – David Bowie


We walked this ravishing Sex Goddess to the Bus Station, where Dave also decided he had to be going. I decided I’d go to Jayne’s after I saw him off. So Dave and I went to the CO-OP where his bike was parked. There, we spotted Stu Rose with a girl who looked about 20 – holding hands! Stu is only 14!

Stu used to be a good friend of mine when I first arrived in West Walton, and one of the more trendy, interesting people. We both became Frankie fans. I really liked Holly, he fancied Ped and Paul – but that’s behind us.

He fancies anybody now. If I fancy any men then they’re probably Nick Rhodes, Simon Le Bon and John Taylor.

Anyway, Stu became what we called (after a character in Adrian Mole) a Weekend Punk. On Fridays and Saturdays he would stop being a Smoothy like us lot and would put on his studded belt and go to local punk gigs with Gary Decan (Joey’s older brother). But then things changed. Stu hung up his studded belt and replaced it with a crucifix – and not in a Goth way. He started going to Christian meetings. He got me to go with him, but I thought we were there for the free hot dogs and orange juice. By the end of two weeks, we started joining in, but I quickly began to doubt and question the Christian thing. Then came that Christian run party on North Brink. I enjoyed it, but it was the last thing I had to do with Christians. Stu kept on going. By the start of this year, the inevitable had happened. Whilst Dave, Joey and I offered our manly bodies to beautiful young wenches at discos, Stu stopped coming out. He ended up going to Church dos with what we called his bum-chum, Bettsy. His hair grew long and lank and parted itself in the middle. We began to call him Jesus of Walton Highway.

Stu, his hair long and lank. His goofy grin and ruddy cheeks…

Anyway, as we reached CO-OP, we saw Stu and a girl who looked about 20, holding hands! Stu is only 14! They never saw us, so we decided to follow, without them knowing, so we could have a good laugh. We followed them all over!

Half a mile away, down in the park, they sat on a swing together. We followed, running from tree to tree – unnoticed – but with that bloody big bottle of orange swishing and fizzing about. Then we followed them to her house on Peckover Drive. We think she’s called Somebody Edwards. They didn’t even kiss!

Knackered, we finished the orangeade and Dave went home.

‘The Unforgettable Fire’ – U2


I’d missed my bus, so I rang Jayne to see if I could go to her house, but she wasn’t in. So I sat on a bench in St Peter’s churchyard. I attached my two new badges to my jacket: one of the ‘bondage’ couple from the ‘Relax’ cover, but with no writing on it, and one of Dennis the Menace with a Mohican haircut.


I reflected on a lot of things.

I thought about the things I’d like to happen to me (apart from being raped by a German fraülein in a leather Nazi uniform).

I’d like to be George Bailey walking through peaceful, American, Bedford Falls with a beautiful girl called Mary, at night. This came from watching the film It’s a Wonderful Life starring James Stewart. It’s brilliant.


I would also like to live in a New York apartment. Like Peter Parker, I’d like to sit on the roof, just before dawn, and fall in love with a girl called Bambi before the sun comes up. This kind of comes from recent Spider-Man comics.

‘Goody Two Shoes’ – Adam Ant


Then a memory came back to me. Of an afternoon in the year 1982, I believe. So I’ll tell the story, before the memory leaves me forever.

Well? I can have the odd memory if I want, piss-face!

I remember once I fell in love with Alex Ingram, my old friend Make-Up’s sister (by the way, Make-Up lives in Wakefield now). She was all right. I got her on the rebound from a boy called Mick Harris. We all went to the same High School, and one day Alex, my friends and I went to the Valley Gardens where Mick sent me a message saying he wanted to meet me on the far hill. I did, expecting a fight. All he said was, ‘Congratulations’. I remember fighting him later, or at least punching him. I hated hitting him, but felt like I had to. He was two years older than me, but he was a bum-weed.

I also remember Birdy pretending to fight with our Jeff. Everyone got worried because our Jeff had a knife. But they were only mucking about. Mind you, I reckon our Jeff still landed a few real punches, knowing he could get away with it because Birdy would understand that it made everything look realistic.

Well, that’s the memory. It won’t really interest you.

And if you’re not me, you shouldn’t be reading this book, unless:

1. Your name is Flash.
2. You are close enough to me to have full permission
3. I am long since dead
4. I am a famous writer who has had his diaries published to boost sales

As I sat in the churchyard, thinking, who should come by me but Jayne! We spoke briefly. She asked how family affairs were, I told her, and we parted ways.

I rang George and he brought me home.

‘Don’t You (Forget About Me)’ – Simple Minds

Tonight, I invited myself to Sharon Jones’s party and had a laugh. I actually got a chance to kiss Melba Dench! Which impressed me! Cor!!!!

Oh, Tracey Whatever [TURNER ← QUITE GOOD LOOKING NOWADAYS, Ritch ’92 (ish)] , a friend of Mandy Dell, played her ‘Pleasuredome’ 7-inch and it’s different to mine. Bloody cheek!

Oh – again – I saw Claire Stubbs. She’s pregnant still. That means she hasn’t had the baby yet.

Oh – once more – after the party, I walked home, feeling refreshed.
Night-Night!

Er … nothing else?

No…
Night-Night.

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders including works originated by Elton Townend Jones, but excluding any images or design attributed to ‘The Situation’ which are copyright of The Situation (see specific acknowledgements in the ‘Thanks to…’ section below) / Based on true events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is non-profit; all video clips are used for illustrative purposes and always come from YouTube / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context. Never forget: no man is an island. If you think anything I’ve used is damaging you in any way, please comment and immediate action will be taken to minimise offence / This notice was amended on 13 July 2011 and is intended to cover this and all posts on www.25yearstoolate.blogspot.com that precede it]