The Winterfood Diaries

The Winterfood Diaries

Monday, 21 January 1985

Finishing with Mandy Dell

‘O Superman’ – Laurie Anderson

We're outside the gym. I know all about you and Jayne, snaps a voice. Mandy. Jayne? I ask. Butter wouldn’t melt. Ever. Jayne, then, spits Mandy’s sister. There’s a bunch of them, and they all look pissed off. Jayne? I ask, butter running down my chin. At the Fire Station Disco, says Mandy, folding her arms. She looks smug. I still fancy her, though. Fire Station Disco? Yeah, that’s me. In my pool of rapidly congealing butter. Anything you want to tell me? she asks. Er. I’m mumbling. Too afraid to go through the motions of finishing with someone whose knickers I’d still like to get my hand into. I think we should finish, she says, not unrealistically. Me too, I say, saving face. She’s going. Taking her grim entourage with her. I don’t think I even care. We were together two months. November. I couldn’t believe my luck when I stole her off Dave. Don’t fuckin worry, mate, says Stan, from out of nowhere, I’ll’ve fingered her by Friday. And off he goes, whistling...

Rang Jayne. She wasn’t up as she’d gone to bed early.

I’m starting to realise that two years of my relationship with Mandy are over. Oops! I meant to say ‘two months’. Twat!

Later on, Jayne rang me. We chatted for a while. She got my number and my address from Stacey Nene. But how does Stacey know where I live? Weird. Joey must have told her.

[- says Jayne, coming to the phone. Hi, I say, it’s me. I was in bed, laughs Jayne’s voice. Bed? It’s only nine o’clock. I was just so knackered, she sighs. I’m carried on her breathy voice to a place where she allows me to put my hand up some cute nightie and part the soft curly hairs between her thighs -]

Oh! Jabba and I made a bet with Rachel Baker that we’ll be on TV before January 21st 1986! I think we’re going to lose!!!!!!!!!


This time last year:

‘Watched The Comic Strip Presents: A Fistful Of Traveller’s Cheques. Brilliant.’

This time 2 years ago:

‘A day earlier than expected, I actually got to go and stay at Ian’s in Leeds. His mum and dad went out, so Mary Lennox babysat for us. I haven’t seen her for ages, and we necked, listening to Soft Cell and The Human League. Brill.’


[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders including works originated by Elton Townend Jones, but excluding any images or design attributed to ‘The Situation’ which are copyright of The Situation (see specific acknowledgements in the ‘Thanks to…’section below) / ‘Berwin Groomstool’ is an iteration of the Situation character ‘William Whicker’ and falls under joint copyright of Elton Townend Jones and Waen Shepherd / Based on true events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction – cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is non-profit; all video clips are used for illustrative purposes and always come from YouTube / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context. Never forget: no man is an island. If you think anything I’ve used is damaging you in any way, please comment and immediate action will be taken to minimise offence / This notice was amended on 1 July 2012 and is intended to cover this and all posts on that precede it]

No comments:

Post a Comment