The Winterfood Diaries

The Winterfood Diaries

Sunday, 9 December 1990

Sadness and Happiness

‘Body and Soul’ – The Sisters of Mercy

So far, The Curse of Fenric Target book is quite good.
‘In My Life’ – The Beatles

I feel a little bit sad inside.  Well, a lot sad.  I’m just holding it all back from breaking into my physical life.  I miss being loved and I want to be loved, I really do.  I’m not sufficiently loved by anyone I might call my own.  Female, I mean.  Of course I do.  I’ve never been truly in love at Christmas; that too would be a beautiful thing to experience.  I suppose there was Miranda in 1985, but we were kids and things weren’t going particularly well so we saw very little of each other.  And I was a crap bastard, anyway.  Over 1986, there was Jenny Taylor, but that had her issues and her other man going on in all of that and we never saw each other over Christmas, anyway.  In 1987, I had no-one, having cut myself off from all romantic female ties.  In 1988, I’d just finished with Justine and was very uncertain of my emotions.  Last year, I’d fallen out with Amy, finished with Gemma and failed to see anything of Wendy.
And now?
Nothing, really.  Fergie’s gone off gallivanting as she always has and always will – and good on her, I say.  Then there’s Maggie – god knows where I’ll stand with her after my latest missile of scripted intercourse…
‘Merry Christmas Everybody’ – The Metal Gurus

Today, the snow fell; very early this AM.  Y’see, it didn’t snow over us yesterday, whilst it did in Norwich and elsewhere.  The snow was only mild, so I went down to Betty and Freddie’s and ‘played out’ in it with Chip.  Together we enjoyed his first snowball fight and built his first (miniature) snowman.  He loves it.  I love him.  But I’ve got a red nose, which isn’t very pleasing!
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Next time: ‘Crofters with Fergie…’

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