The Winterfood Diaries

The Winterfood Diaries

Monday, 27 August 1990

Self-Pitying Drivel


‘Love Theme from Blade Runner’ – Vangelis

What’s been happening to me?  I imagine you can guess, to be honest.

Last night I dreamt about Bonnie Langford.  AGAIN.  I don’t know why.

I’ve been reading my new Lennon book and I’m really pleased with it.

Oh, I dreamt about Manda Jones as well!

Funny about Fergie.  She’s one of the few girls to actually break my heart.  It’s even rarer an event in my life that we should still be friends after such incidents.

‘Absolute’ – Claudia Brucken

Miranda wrote to me also.  Let me tell you about it (oh, and the letters I sent to her at North Brink, by the way, were all burnt by her mother!  BITCH!)

Miranda addresses me as ‘Dear Ritcherd’ and begins: ‘Well, I’m back in Portsmouth.  Sigh.’  She says she felt really depressed when she left Wisbech, full of nostalgia and a realisation that the place is still home.  She says it’s a strange feeling: ‘I go home and I know it’s home, I feel comfortable and it’s familiar, but at the same time I feel as though I shouldn’t be there; I feel like a visitor’.  She puts it all down to the process of growing up.  She says she’s been in such a sentimental mood lately (particularly since seeing Anna in London last week, when they looked at old photographs from school days).  She says she sometimes feels like she’d like to come back to London and ‘live’ in The Angel like she used to, but she suspects it wouldn’t be the same; Anna’s half of a couple, Sue’s a career woman, and Miranda’s just different to the person she used to be.  In some ways she feels she hasn’t changed at all: ‘I’m still very selfish and I still lie a lot’, and the lying usually to avoid hurting people and the subsequent hassle.  The lying always backfires on her and she ends up hurting people more because she’s been deceitful.  She says she’s now trying to be more honest as that makes life much easier.  She says she now thinks about things a lot more deeply than she did, which also helps.  She’s realised that people are actually important to her and that if she’s a bitch to them, then they won’t just come running back to her because she’s Miranda Wasp.  She thinks she was very conceited when she was ‘younger’.  She says she’s more realistic now, no longer believing things will simply go away if she ignores them.  She has also realised that ‘life is an adventure, but it is also a great disappointment’.  There’s so much she wants to see, do and experience, but there’s no way on Earth that she’s going to have the time to do it.  She knows she’s wasted two years already, just pissing around.  She apologises for being ‘depressing’.  She feels like getting very drunk and bawling her eyes out, but all she has in is neat vodka.

She goes on to ask me how I am.  She says it was really good to see me on Monday and she thoroughly enjoyed herself.  She asks me to come and visit her.  She says she wants to see me again soon because there’s still so much she didn’t say on Monday that she really wanted to.  She blames the drinking for that.  She says Thursday 30th or Friday 31st August would be good as arrival time options (at any time), until perhaps Monday.  By the time she finishes writing, it’s 3am and she’s extremely tired.  She apologises for the ‘maudlin’, ‘self-pitying drivel’ and asks me to write soon.  She signs off with ‘love’ and three kisses.

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders including works originated by Elton Townend Jones, but excluding any images or design attributed to ‘The Situation’ which are copyright of The Situation (see specific acknowledgements in the ‘Thanks to…’section below) / ‘Berwin Groomstool’ is an iteration of the Situation character ‘William Whicker’ and falls under joint copyright of Elton Townend Jones and Waen Shepherd / Based on true events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction – cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is non-profit; all video clips are used for illustrative purposes and almost always come from YouTube / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context. Never forget: no man is an island. If you think anything I’ve used is damaging you in any way, please comment and immediate action will be taken to minimise offence / This notice was amended on 1 July 2012 and is intended to cover this and all posts on that precede it]

Next time: ‘Ritcherd’s Top 20 Comics…’

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