The Winterfood Diaries

The Winterfood Diaries

Friday, 3 August 1990

Captain's Log

CAPTAIN’S LOG
STARDATE: AUG 3 90




QUOTE: ‘…has often rebelled against the tyranny of his image, behaving in ways that contradict his perceived identity.’

‘It’s Only Rock ‘n’ Roll’ – The Rolling Stones

HELLO.  I’M RITCHERD JON WINTERFOOD – NICKNAMED ‘JEZ’.

I’m twenty years old.  An out-of-work actor with an interest in writing and theatrical direction.  I need to work in my chosen profession, I really do.

What am I into?
SEX, DRUGS, ROCK ‘N’ ROLL, THE BEATLES, DOCTOR WHO, SOPHIE ALDRED, JAMES BOND, IAN MCSHANE, LOVEJOY, ALL CREATURES GREAT AND SMALL, PSYCHEDELIA, REVOLVER, JIMI HENDRIX, LED ZEPPELIN, THE ROLLING STONES, DANCE MUSIC, THE ‘60S, 2000AD, THE SISTERS OF MERCY, NATURE, THE EARTH, THE SKY, LOVE, JOHN LENNON, YOKO ONO, CRISIS, WIRE, HORROR FILMS, THE GOTHIC IN US ALL, THE LORD OF THE RINGS, TOLKIEN, RELATIONSHIPS, ALIEN SEX FIEND, ENYA, HOBBITS, NOSTALGIA, MONTY PYTHON, BLACKADDER, THE DARK ANGEL, THE RAINBOW, MOONDIAL, THE SITUATION, BERWIN GROOMSTOOL, THE WORLD CUP, HIGHLANDER, EXCALIBUR, LEGENDS, THE SOUP DRAGONS, PRIMAL SCREAM, COMICS, V FOR VENDETTA, WATCHMEN, THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS, THE PRISONER, MARILYN MONROE, SEX, MY CHILDHOOD, THE CHINESE PLAY, MANSFIELD PARK, KATE BUSH, STAR TREK, MY VERSION OF FRANKENSTEIN.

I like making lists.  I eat Sugar Puffs, Shreddies, Cheddaree, Marmite, toast, lasagne, moussaka, and chicken Kiev.  I drink lots of tea and very strong coffee.  When I go for a shit, I fill the ‘pan’ with toilet paper so my bottom doesn’t get splashed by impact water, and I dribble in my sleep.  I like the smell of my pubic regions and I pick my nose a lot.  I collect pornographic magazines and masturbate approximately 3 times a day.

Do you still like me now?

People:
DANYEL ‘FLASH’ GORDON, DONNA DAVIDSON, MARY-JANE FERGUSON, SOPHIE YOUNG, LILITH, AMY NEAT, JO JORDAN, STAN FLOWERS, WILLIAM DANIELS, LEGS, EMMA GODDARD, JONNY BADCOCK, PETER CONTI, GEORGE BAKER, BETTY BAKER, ASH, ELLIOTT ‘ELBOW’ BARLOW, ASTRA TRELLIS, SPOCK, THE COMMANDER, LOUISE MOORHOUSE, KEVIN MOORHOUSE, MANDA JONES, NATALIA WNEK, DARREN MARSH, UNA BAKER, EDDIE MOSES, GEMMA WINCHESTER, JON WINTERFOOD, ANNIE WINTERFOOD, DANNY LEES, LINDA LEES, JENNY, MAGGIE, MINTY, and many more.

Later:

6.40pm

‘Instant Karma’ – John Lennon

Well.  Today begins with the Iraqi invasion of Kuwait, which doesn’t bode too well.  But as I can’t do anything about that at the moment, I’ll move on…

Miranda should have rung me about an hour and forty minutes ago.  And she hasn’t yet.  I hope she doesn’t let me down.  She is my light; an oasis in all this oblivion.  I want to go out with her tonight, to a pub; to her place too if her parents are away.  Possibly even a visit to that old graveyard we always used to visit.

I have money now: £235.  I feel better.

Later:

‘Mother Nature’s Son’ – The Beatles

Just spoke to Betty and offered her some ‘board money’.  She very kindly declined the offer, saying, ‘You don’t have to pay us any rent if you’re working for Freddie.’

Excellent.  And exceptionally fair, given the poor hourly rate.

Later:

7.45pm

‘Give Peace a Chance’ – John Lennon

Can you dig this?!

I just rang Miranda’s parents’ house and peril of all perils, her mum answered.  Saying Miranda wasn’t there!  Isn’t Miranda arriving today, I asked.  No, and who was I?  Ritcherd, I told her.  Cold, silent pause.  She’s not here, Ritcherd, goodbye.  Damn!  Weren’t the Wasps meant to be going on holiday?  Where’s Miranda?  Why, life?  Fucking why?  Is Miranda okay?!

Later:

7.49pm

‘Hey Joe’ – Jimi Hendrix

Just rang Portsmouth. ‘Miranda has gone home to pick up her car’.  Well, there y’go.  I don’t think I’ll be seeing Miranda tonite then.  I was worried.  Fuck, I shouldn’t have rung her parents’ home.  I wonder…  Could she be messing me about?  I’ll have to stay in now and await any ‘phone calls.  Oh my god.  She’ll probably fall out with me now she knows I’ve spoken to her bloody mad mother.  Well, that’s not my problem.

Later:

My life doesn’t get any better.

Miranda didn’t ring me.  So I went out at about 9pm to The Angel.  On the way, I saw Mooney and Danny, and in the pub I saw Legs, Ash and Ange.  Needless to say, I became extremely inebriated and later we all went to the park which was a bit naff, but I had good chats with Mary Wallis, though Alice bugged me quite a bit.


[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders including works originated by Elton Townend Jones, but excluding any images or design attributed to ‘The Situation’ which are copyright of The Situation (see specific acknowledgements in the ‘Thanks to…’section below) / ‘Berwin Groomstool’ is an iteration of the Situation character ‘William Whicker’ and falls under joint copyright of Elton Townend Jones and Waen Shepherd / Based on true events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction – cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is non-profit; all video clips are used for illustrative purposes and almost always come from YouTube / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context. Never forget: no man is an island. If you think anything I’ve used is damaging you in any way, please comment and immediate action will be taken to minimise offence / This notice was amended on 1 July 2012 and is intended to cover this and all posts on www.25yearstoolate.blogspot.com that precede it]


Next time: ‘The Beatles!’

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