The Winterfood Diaries

The Winterfood Diaries

Friday, 20 April 1990

No Fun


‘Merry-Go-Round’ – The Wonder Stuff

The thunderstorm woke me up this morning and I could see the lightning even when my eyes were closed.


Yes, folks, it’s all I’ve been extremely concerned about.

Went to Leeds with Flash, Elbow, and Raquel.  Enjoyed it.  Couple of records.

And at last, Mary-Jane Ferguson’s written to me.  The postmark is Tuesday, which means she wrote it the day I wrote the first half of my latest HEAVY letter (which would no doubt have arrived by now).

Airedale, Castleford is no fun.  Nowhere to walk alone, and in the darkness.

Anyway, Fergie’s letter was ‘good’ to say the most of it and very basic to say the least.  No passion.  No fire.  None of the hypothetical meandering or colourful prose imagery of her previous letters.  It’s almost glaringly obvious to me that her feelings towards me are dying something of a hideous and disgusting death.  Now it’s only ‘all my love’, and this may be a useless quibble, but it used to be ‘all my love + more’.  Every time.  But not now.

‘Running Up That Hill’ – Kate Bush

I’ve been talking to Raquel about it for most of the afternoon.  If there is something with Barry or even Mickey (whom she says she saw last week), then I feel she should tell me now and put me out of my misery.

I feel that Barry wants to go out with her, and she’s encouraging him with their 2-hour-long phone calls.  And I don’t blame him at all – why wouldn’t he fancy her?  But I do blame her.

I bet they’ve already kissed.  Odds on that they have.

Raquel says it all seems a bit fishy.  Like Fergie’s biding her time, getting rid of me slowly, as she may well have tried to do with Mickey.  If I was going out with her officially – or if I ever do – instead of all this vaguery, then what’s it all about?  What does any of this stuff amount to?  Because once I’ve left Tech, I bet she’ll go out with Barry.


Oh fuck, I do hope she’s not ‘cheating’ on me.  I haven’t done that to her.  I wouldn’t.  And I’ve had plenty of opportunity – could have given in at any time!

Don’t, Mary-Jane, please just fucking don’t.

God, if she did, I think I’d go apeshit.  I’d hate her for it.

‘Moon Song’ - Doctor and the Medics

Anyway, I left a message with Mrs Badcock, asking Jonny to have a look in the Wenns tonight.  I hope he is able to.  If he can, I’m sure he will.  He’d never let me down.  Not Jonny.

Mary-Jane Ferguson, this is too fucking much.  If, when I see you on Monday, you don’t genuinely appear to have missed me, then I’ll be so upset that it’ll probably turn into anger.  I have got to confront you about this stuff as soon as I see you.  Straight away.  And, by god, I shall.  I’ll have to speak to Sandra, also.  And possibly some of your other friends.





‘R.I.P.’ – Alien Sex Fiend

I’ve just been in tears.  I can’t take it.  I’ve got to ‘divorce’ myself from her.  I can’t go on, knowing her feelings for Barry.  I’ve waited long enough for her.  I feel so much for her and I want to be with her, but all this crap really does me in.  It can’t go on.  She’s got to be told.  I won’t take it and I know she won’t back down, so that’s it.  It’s got to end.

Mary-Jane Ferguson!  All you could talk about in your letter was Barry and Mickey.  Well, fuck that.  I’m sorry, but just fuck that!

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Next time: ‘Fatal attraction…’

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