The Winterfood Diaries

The Winterfood Diaries

Monday, 12 March 1990

Love and Anger

‘Jump In The River’ – Sinead O’Connor

Today, it was really good to see Fergie and Sandra again.  I’ve missed Fergie some considerable amount, so when I walked into the Common Room and she bounded up to me full of life – in her green velvet jacket and her hat – it cheered my soul no end.

Thanks for the leaf, Fergie.

She told me she’s reading The Hobbit now and was pleased when I gave her the new Kate Bush single that I’d bought her when I was in Yorkshire.

'Cartoon Boyfriend' - The Wonder Stuff

I decided early on that I must confront these allegations of my ‘reckless love attitude’ and eventually found that these things had been said, indirectly, by Amy Neat (now after Ian, apparently, since his split with Daryl).  This came as no surprise.

Fergie, it seems, trusts me and is on my side, which is reassuring.  What’s less assuring is the fact that Mickey sees me as a threat to the stability of their relationship (which I probably am – but I don’t want to be; as such).  He felt especially paranoid when he came into Tech to see her one day and she spent 15 minutes of their time together on the other side of the Common Room talking to me.

I must say, I experienced something new today: total and utter all-consuming jealousy as Mickey came in and Fergie kissed him (just before they left).  I found myself feeling so green.  So ridiculously angry inside.  And I’m not proud of that fact.

‘Bushfire’ – The B-52s

She rang me tonight and we spent an hour talking.  She says that if it wasn’t for Mickey then she and I would be together.  And she likes me as much as I like her.  But Mickey is her boyfriend and though they’ve very recently been close to finishing (on several occasions) I have no realistic desire to be the man who parts them and causes someone’s unhappiness (despite the dictates of fantasy).

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Next time: ‘Costume hire…’

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