The Winterfood Diaries

The Winterfood Diaries

Friday, 26 January 1990

The Worst Day



‘Li’l Devil’ – The Cult

I’m in the waiting room at the Dental Surgery, Wisbech, and I’m not an extremely happy man.

Today is cursed and I’m extremely upset.

My dental appointment was for 10.20am and so, I entered the garage at 9.50am to get my bike.


A punctured tyre.

I attempted to repair this and it agitated me to hell, because I knew it was going to make me late.  I failed in my repair attempt + so decided to ride off on Jack’s (smaller and less good) bike.


A punctured tyre.

Another repair attempt; more agitation, but a moderate success, so I set off. 


I had to return to the bungalow as I’d left my money for the bus in the garage.

‘Fall (JPS)’ – Jesus and Mary Chain

Eventually, cycling along North Brink, working my bollocks off to get to my appointment, feeling totally angry and mental, I found myself being chased by a barking and gnashing Alsatian which scared me to death.  Pedalling like crazy, I escaped the dog but came to a junction and had to give way.  So I braked.


Do you reckon Jack’s brakes actually worked? 

No.  They did not.

So what happened was, to avoid any oncoming traffic I had to swerve to the side and ended up riding straight up an embankment, at which point I was forcibly separated from the cycle, crashing to the floor and landing on my hip, which was horribly bashed.  I immediately went into a kind of quivering shock and began to feel like I was going to be sick.

I felt so stressed and upset that tears of frustration and fear ran down my cheeks.  Adding to my anxiety was the knowledge that this was the last day in which I would be able to see Lilith.

I arrived at the dentists late, and now he is going to remove one of my teeth.  He just numbed my gum with several huge needles and it hurt like hell.

When will I get to Tech?  I could cry like hell for fear of missing Lilith today.  I won’t see her, I bet.

Oh well.

Dentist, here I come.

You just don’t know how upset I am.


‘Never Be Mine’ – Kate Bush


‘Fantasy is your refuge now, for if close physical relationships have left a lot to be desired, then you may be searching fruitlessly for the perfect sexual affair.  Be honest, no one is a romantic paragon and unless you can accept that, you will always feel something is missing in your intimate involvements.  It’s just a case of warts and all…’


‘All Cats Are Grey’ – The Cure

The Dentist removed the tooth today and it hurt like hell.  There he stood, pulling away with his pliers, bruising my bottom lip ad beating the life out of my upper gum.  Once he’s dragged it out, he held it there in front of my goggled eyes, root twitching, raw, bloody and untimely pluck’d…

I think the rest of the day I was pretty much in shock, what with that and my cycling accident.  I was shaking and quaking most of the time.  Still, I went into King’s Lynn to see Lilith.  But once I’d arrived, I felt sick and faint, so just in case I didn’t see her, I wrote her a letter and gave it to Julian Ward (along with a Kate Bush tape I’d done) to deliver to her.

I then came home and got in bed, crying my eyes to death at the sheer pain in my gum, aches and quakes covering my body, and utter sadness at not having been able to see Lilith.  The whole agitation of the day had got to me and I’ve been so upset about losing that tooth.  One of the teeth that I brush two to three times a bloody day!  A LOT OF GOOD THAT DID!

I mark today as THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE.

And it is.

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders including works originated by Elton Townend Jones, but excluding any images or design attributed to ‘The Situation’ which are copyright of The Situation (see specific acknowledgements in the ‘Thanks to…’section below) / ‘Berwin Groomstool’ is an iteration of the Situation character ‘William Whicker’ and falls under joint copyright of Elton Townend Jones and Waen Shepherd / Based on true events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction – cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is non-profit; all video clips are used for illustrative purposes and almost always come from YouTube / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context. Never forget: no man is an island. If you think anything I’ve used is damaging you in any way, please comment and immediate action will be taken to minimise offence / This notice was amended on 1 July 2012 and is intended to cover this and all posts on that precede it]

Next time: ‘When We Two Parted…’

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