The Winterfood Diaries

The Winterfood Diaries

Tuesday, 16 January 1990

Broken Hallway

1pm

Feeling a route through a broken hallway
In a sense, to find you: the truth
Innocence, to bind the guilty party
Inside
Inside with relics of another history
Not mine
This hurts and defies all reason
It should
Be mine
Be mine
Be ours
Be two
Be one
Combined
Inside
Inside with pieces of a fractured life
You’re going and deserting and I hurt
Just going, cold and stern
Elsewhere
Elsewhere with another’s hand and mind
Not mine
This hurts, inspiring tragedy
All pain
It’s you
It’s you
Goodbye
So bye
So buy my soul
Just don’t leave it here.

Later:

9.30pm

MY LIFE (CONTINUED)

‘The Mercy Seat’ – Ultra Vivid Scene

ANOTHER DAY IN THE TURMOIL OF THE NOT-SO BEAUTIFUL JEZ, THE MAN WITH THE CRINKLY MEDUSA HAIR…




WILL LOVE RISE AGAIN TO HEAL MY WINGS?

College is so lifeless without my Performing Arts group.  Most of them are off doing Work Experience right now.  And this morning was a dull one, but at least I now have a placement in Leeds at the end of this month.

I’ve been so distraught about Lilith, of course, which led me to writing that ‘poem’.

I saw her in the Common Room later on, where she too was writing a poem.

But we’re not even ‘THERE’ yet.

Donna Davidson came in and I told her my feelings and confusions concerning Lili.  Lili then came in and I apologised to her (first of two occasions today) about my abrupt attitude yesterday.  She agreed that I had been very curt, but I think she forgave me, because when I asked if I could stay with her tomorrow she said I could.

THANK YOU, ANGELS THAT WATCH OVER ME…

‘L Dopa’ – Big Black

This afternoon, I walked her down to Tagge Road.  She told me she’s decided not to wear baggy jumpers and long skirts any more, favouring tighter clothes that will show off her figure (which I think is a beautiful idea).  I double-checked with her again, making sure that staying over will be okay and, very tenderly, she said it was.

And I look forward to it.

I asked her how long she’d be around before going away to Scotland.  She said even if she leaves Tech this or next week she doesn’t envisage leaving Tagge Road till Easter.  But, she says, she should be receiving a letter from Nick by the end of the week and this should clarify a few details.

Donna Davidson says I should use the ‘L’ word and tell Lilith I love her.  And I may well do that.  I won’t ask her to go out with me or anything, I’ll just let her know that I think such a great deal of her. 

Tomorrow night: Carmilla, Elvis Costello, and – hopefully – a third time not necessarily lucky but at least indescribably beautiful…

WE’LL SEE…


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Next time: ‘Imperial bedroom…’

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