The Winterfood Diaries

The Winterfood Diaries

Tuesday, 10 October 1989

Ritcherd's Party

Today, the woman in BAYES’ RECORDIUM gave me the Kate Bush poster from the window.


‘Is This The Life?’ – The Cardiacs

The party was a success in its own little way.

Car one was: Julian, Johnny + Emma.  They arrived just after 6pm-ish sort of time and I cooked them tea and we watched POLICE SQUAD! videos.

As we were getting ready, Larry, Daniel and Darren arrived.  They were followed almost immediately by Stan, Gemma, Una Baker, and Jamie Davenport.

The booze began to flow and we were then joined by Sally Watson, Donna Davidson, and Peter Conti.  Shortly after these arrivals came Ash and Legs (the Laurel and Hardy of ‘90s Wisbech).  Party things began and then Will, Lisa and Jodie arrived.

And we all had a great time.

I got on well with Donna, Gemma (who revealed herself to be an ABC + Bowie fan) and Una Baker.  Sadly, Stan and Legs were on the verge of killing each other, which resulted in me having to drag Stan out for some air, despite his fierce resistance.  Once he realised what he was doing, he grabbed me and held me tight and said things to me that he’d said to me before, way back in Feb/March ’88.  Am I really his greatest friend?  And Ash’s?  And Flash’s?  Ash was jarred off with Stan’s ego, so no-one seemed truly upset when Stan (being very ill) elected to sleep it off outside.

Larry was his jolly gay self, but he, Daniel + Darren left pretty early on, taking Donna Davidson with them as she wanted to snuggle up in her own bed + read my 1988 diaries (which I’d just handed over to her).

Jodie got off with Legs, which she was well enjoying and was obviously somewhat aggrieved when it became apparent she couldn’t stay the nite.  She was getting a lift back with early-leavers Will + Lisa (who proved to be a very raunchy couple).

Johnny + Julian got extremely drunk and at one point we dumped Julian in the bath just to help him re-acquaint himself with reality.  He coped.  Outside, Johnny went on a downer due to overt drinking + emotional jyp over Abby.  Their ‘relationship’ is now falling to pieces before it’s even begun.  I comforted him.  We are the best of friends.

Julian joined us outside and kept falling over, utterly convinced he’d been bitten by a snake…

‘If I Could Turn Back Time’ – Cher


Well, I was chatting with Legs and Una Baker.  That’s how it all started.  Una and I were comparing DMs and eventually we were kissing and caressing all over the armchair, which was damned good fun – especially as she’s such a good kisser. 


As she’s friends with my former-girlfriend Emma, interesting things came into the open.  Emma began to give Una the real baaaaad cold-shoulder.  They fell out badly, to the point at which Emma was crying.  Then they went off for serious chats.  I later joined them outside, but Una got up, crying, and left Emma + I alone.

Emma said to me, ‘Do you like Una?’
So I said, ‘Yeah.’

Emma got up and stormed off!

After several drinks and party jinks, this was all a bit too stunning to be able to adequately comprehend.  Emma had obviously been keeping her feelings for me hidden for all the weeks we’ve been back this term.  I had no idea she still liked me so much.

I partied on, as you do – it was my party and I was hosting, after all – but when I saw Una, crying outside, I went to talk to her.  She was so upset at hurting Emma, and, it seemed, quite confused about me.  Later on, she actually went missing and we all had to go looking for her.  When we found her, Gemma looked after her.

I also got on very well with Sally Watson, who was brilliant.  She was very clear-minded and supportive about it all.

But crikey, I had to marvel!  There I am: crimped hair, eyeliner, frilly shirt, ripped jeans, leggings, short woolly sox, DMs, home-made necklaces – and I’ve got two girls fighting over me in my lounge.

The world’s a bit rum.

‘Let Her Go’ – Strawberry Switchblade

I eventually took Una Baker aside and gave her a talking to.  We kissed.  And I hope we’re still friends.  Then, as she chatted with Ash and everyone played party games, I spoke with Emma.  She was so angry + upset about me.  I told her I had no intention of upsetting or hurting anyone, I was just having a party.  I wanted to have a good time partying + doing party things.  I confessed that I may have managed things a little better had I not been as pissed as buggery.

Emma and I eventually cuddled.  And on a note of personal triumph, I’d just like to say that she came around to me.

And as everyone else began to crash out and sleep in the lounge, Emma + I slept in my bed.

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders including works originated by Elton Townend Jones, but excluding any images or design attributed to ‘The Situation’ which are copyright of The Situation (see specific acknowledgements in the ‘Thanks to…’section below) / ‘Berwin Groomstool’ is an iteration of the Situation character ‘William Whicker’ and falls under joint copyright of Elton Townend Jones and Waen Shepherd / Based on true events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction – cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is non-profit; all video clips are used for illustrative purposes and almost always come from YouTube / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context. Never forget: no man is an island. If you think anything I’ve used is damaging you in any way, please comment and immediate action will be taken to minimise offence / This notice was amended on 1 July 2012 and is intended to cover this and all posts on that precede it]

Next time: ‘After the party…’

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