‘Spirit of the Forest’ – Spirit of the Forest
It’s an understanding of the world, of life, of ourselves, that we all desire. I say this, but is it actually true?
ON THE PERIPHERY OF MY VISION, JUST ONE STEP OUTSIDE MY MIND, HANGING ON THE FRINGES OF EVERYTHING I TAKE AS ‘FACT’, SOMETHING LURKS, WAITS, JUST OUT OF REACH. I NEED IT. GIVE IT TO ME. I’M SURE IT’S PURE MADNESS, BUT IT’S ALSO THE TRUTH AND SOMETHING I NEED. SO WHY ISN’T IT MINE?
IT’S THERE. GRASP IT. I WANT IT! I WANT IT! I WANT IT!
AND SO IT RISES AND MOVES OFF ELSEWHERE…
WILL IT EVER BE MINE? I SEE IT. LIKE A BLACK DOT.
LET IT GO.
GIVE MYSELF OVER.
I LOVE THIS.
ABANDON HOPE ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE.
What is and what will ever be?
I worry about China. I worry that they’ll have a civil war. Worry that it’ll move into Hong Kong, ‘OUR’ colony. Worry that we’ll get involved. Worry that the US would side with us and that the USSR would side with them. Worry that a vast war might ensue.
WARGASM on planet Earth. Pillaged, plundered (and viciously raped) Mother Earth.
This Earth is our home, our life. Why are we so violent and primitive and selfish and greedy and stupid?
Help the Earth. Help her. Help us.
I’m crying. Alone, in my friend’s house, empty. I’m empty, too. An empty shell as a weary 19 years rushes by. How am I here? How am I here now? Where was I before?
I am alone, in a friend’s home. On my 19th birthday. I am suddenly here and now. Present and alone. Emptier than I’ve ever been.
I have so much to give. It must be given. But how can I become part of the bigger plan? Ha, why am I NOT the plan itself?
I feel so lost and confused. I am an idiot, I know nothing and I am a fool.
I’ll never know the truth. About anything. Truth is man-made, subjective to man. A fabrication.
I live a lie in a world of lies.
‘Hi, Mr Logan’ – Baby Ford
My birthday has been loathsome. It has been the worst birthday of my life; not because I’m not enjoying myself at Flash’s, I am, but… it’s been so horrible for a birthday. I am here all on my own. He knew I was coming, but he’s spending the evening at Raquel’s. And I’m sick of all this ‘Raquel giving Flash jyp because she’s jealous of his friendship with Ritcherd’ business. It sets me on edge + makes me feel like a piece of shit – especially as she made him go and be with her, knowing full well I’m visiting and IT’S MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY!
I’ve had to stay behind and make sure all the doors are locked up. For all I know, Gerry probably didn’t take a key out (maybe Flash didn’t either).
It wasn’t at all nice of you, Raquel. I have to say that.
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Next time: ‘New words from Emma…’