The Winterfood Diaries

The Winterfood Diaries

Monday, 22 May 1989

Emma: Negatives & Positives


11.55pm

 

‘Is This The Life’ – The Cardiacs



 

Oh gods.  Oh gods. 

 

I dressed very ‘Jez-like’ today for College and Emma just took the piss, saying she didn’t like it. 

 

Well, FUCK OFF!

 

She really irritated me in that.  Then, later, she tried to make up + be nice.  Which she managed…

 

I spent an afternoon talking to Jolene (who I just love spending time with) and Tracey about their love problems.  And talk about PROBLEMS.

 

Later, Emma and I sat in the Drama Studio, alone, + began to kiss.  I wanted this to go no further, but it did.  We kissed and touched and eventually worked our way into mutual masturbation.  I enjoyed it of course.  But…  I felt so … guilty.  Mainly due to my feelings for MAGGIE.  I owe MAGGIE more than this.  I know I desire and love MAGGIE far more than EMMA, so why did I let myself get all lustful with EMMA?  MAGGIE means so much to me.  Imagine today’s scenes but with MAGGIE!  Sheer heaven.

 

I owe MAGGIE more than I’m giving.  And it reminds me so much of those old Natalia situations.

 

I’ll see MAGGIE tomorrow, thank heaven.

 





 

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Next time: ‘Absolutely…’

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