‘Is This The Life’ – The Cardiacs
Oh gods. Oh gods.
I dressed very ‘Jez-like’ today for College and Emma just took the piss, saying she didn’t like it.
Well, FUCK OFF!
She really irritated me in that. Then, later, she tried to make up + be nice. Which she managed…
I spent an afternoon talking to Jolene (who I just love spending time with) and Tracey about their love problems. And talk about PROBLEMS.
Later, Emma and I sat in the Drama Studio, alone, + began to kiss. I wanted this to go no further, but it did. We kissed and touched and eventually worked our way into mutual masturbation. I enjoyed it of course. But… I felt so … guilty. Mainly due to my feelings for MAGGIE. I owe MAGGIE more than this. I know I desire and love MAGGIE far more than EMMA, so why did I let myself get all lustful with EMMA? MAGGIE means so much to me. Imagine today’s scenes but with MAGGIE! Sheer heaven.
I owe MAGGIE more than I’m giving. And it reminds me so much of those old Natalia situations.
I’ll see MAGGIE tomorrow, thank heaven.
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Next time: ‘Absolutely…’