It’s 10.30pm and I suppose I am in something of a very confused state…
‘The Metropolitan Mixdown 1989, pt. 2’ – Yello
MIAMI VICE is on…
…and I’m videoing 1984 on Channel Four.
I hardly slept last nite; kept waking up due to some ‘bizarre’ excitement at the imminence of college. I could also hear constant scraping and scrabbling sounds just outside my bedroom window too (we live in a bungalow). ODD!
I got out of bed at 6am and dressed + did my hair, which was really great. It’s getting quite long at the front, and once quaffed up with gel and stuff looks really nice. I also gunked on millions of eye-liner. I wore my green and black butterfly patterned shirt, blue jeans, two belts, biker’s jacket and Dr Martens. Over the bike jacket I added the old smoking jacket/house-coat I’m so fond of and pinned on my FGTH ‘Relax’ badge, with the ‘bondage’ couple on it.
In College, I spent a while with my fellow BTECers and then bumped into Emma, who’s dyed her hair a sort of brown/black colour. I wasn’t keen, I’ll be honest. I felt such a twat because the first thing I said to her, in shock and surprise was, ‘What you done? Burnt it?!’ She simply replied that she was upset because I hadn’t been in touch over the holidays. We then went off to our respective lessons.
I didn’t see Emma again until 4.15pm, when I walked over to her bus and she asked, ‘Are we still going out with each other?’ I, stupidly full of gittish compassion, found myself saying, ‘As far as I know.’ But then I rescued my true feelings a little by adding, ‘I’m a bit confused at the moment…’
‘Well there doesn’t seem to be much point,’ she said.
I replied, ‘Yeah, well let’s talk about it tomorrow, okay?’
We kissed goodbye.
Today, we had a new teacher, a really nice young student-type bloke called Jake. He’s a riot to get on with and all the girls ‘fancy’ him. Monday mornings will be magic again.
‘I Love You’ – Yello
I walked by the Art Rooms at 9am. From one of them waved Maggie, which sent my heart a-fluttering and inspired my confidence. About half an hour later, she ran up to me (I was gobsmacked, obviously) and she ahd she had some photos of herself to show ME from her goth days. ‘WOW!’ I thought.
At lunch, she declined going to the pub with her Art friends and came to spend time with me and show me the photos. There were various photos of her (aged 6-13 to start with), but the best were ones of her with long hair, backcombed hair, red lipstick, blonde swept-back hair, goth outfits, purple hair… I begged her to let me take copies of a particular one in which she has blonde back-combed hayre and red lipstick. You can do it in BOOTS, but she would no way let me! AAARGH! She rather naively (or rather cleverly) asked me, ‘Why do you want a photo of me?’ I said, ‘I just do.’
I wanted be alone with her for as long as possible. We went to the shop together and then sat alone in an empty classroom, just talking. I must have made a total pillock of myself. When we returned to the Common Room, Simon finally arrived, which kind of killed that. Nice to see Simon, though.
Eventually, Maggie went off to a lesson, and Simon and I sat in the Library where I told him about my ‘finishing with Emma’ dilemma. During the conversation, he told me that he was feeling left out of Maggie’s life, as if he didn’t really ‘fit in’ and was forcing conversation all the time. I had a feeling they weren’t suited. So we had a long chat about compatibility and he brought up star signs and horoscopes. Funnily enough, I’m GEMINI and Emma is AQUARIUS, Simon and Maggie are both LIBRANS; air signs, all. God knows what any of this REALLY means about two people being able to love each other. They saw each other in the holidays, but only once. They wrote twice, too, and rang each other every day. That’s better going than I could manage.
We returned to the Common Room for afternoon break, where he and Maggie both seemed rather nonplussed. Afterwards, she went off to a lesson and Simon and I went back to the Library where he began to weigh up the Pros and Cons of their relationship. He concluded there were no Pros. He told me that her idea of a good time is a wild party, whilst his is sitting in front of a fire with a mug of cocoa. That’s a bit like Emma and me, but she’s the one with the cocoa.
Donna ‘Double D’ Davidson eventually arrived in college and gave neither of us any useful advice when we explained our problems.
Weirdly, I now find myself hoping Simon can work it through with Maggie. I like him so much as a friend and feel ever-so guilty for fancying her. But I do. I’m crazy for her. I even privately told Donna about my secret desires.
Will I see her tomorrow?
MAGGIE is 17 (18 in September). She is LIBRA. She lives in SHERINGHAM. Musically, she likes New Model Army, Ghost Dance, Salvation, The Damned, etc. She’s an ex-Goth with long-ish, dark blonde hair. She wears black dressed, black coats + black monkey boots. She lodges at Plaxtole House, NORCAT’s halls of residence. She is really very nice. I’d like to get to know her well. She is the most attractive girl I know.
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Next time: ‘Maggie developments…’