The Winterfood Diaries

The Winterfood Diaries

Thursday, 30 March 1989

The Innocents

‘Of Course I’m Lying’ – Yello


At 12.10am this morning, Flash rang-up LOLA’S.  Lola answered and Flash chatted to her for ages, much to our surprise!  Eventually, at Flash’s request, ‘Dave’ came on.  I was on the extension, pissing myself.  ‘Dave’, knowing full well who Flash was, eventually submitted to a grilling and answered Flash’s question.  And his real name?  You really want to know?  His real name is JEFFRY SMITH!




It all ties in.


I chatted with Gerry till 4am, as Flash listened to CDs on his ‘new on Tuesday’ CD Player.  At 4am, Gerry and I kissed goodnite, sharing a strangely long + unexpectedly tender moment, until I finally pulled away and got in bed with Flash.




‘Witch in the Ditch’ – Erasure






KNOCKERS!  It annoys me when:


People leave tissues lying around.

People leave the bed in a right state.

People leave MY fountain pen lying around with NO TOP ON and LOSE THE TOP!

Our boiler has yellow smoke streaming out of it and the neighbours see it and our cat is locked in with it and we don’t wake up ‘til three hours later and the neighbours say, ‘Oh, we saw the smoke when we woke up.’


I’m sorry, but CUNTS!

It’s not fair.  I can’t stand people like that, I really can’t.


So, have we had a groovy week in West Yorkshire?  Yes, we have, but can you non-Castleford people believe that on one trip up the road to the Off Licence, Ritcherd and I counted 86 separate piles of dog mess!  Eighty-six!  I live in Castleford and even I can’t believe it!  86!  Well, that’s CAS VEGAS for you!  I wish I was still living in PONTE CARLO!


Ah well, Ritcherd will be gone soon, at 12.30pm, and as always it’s a sad occasion.  As he said to Raquel and I last night, ‘You’ve become part of the fixtures and fittings.’  I’m sure he didn’t mean to be boring when he said it, and I’m sure I don’t either.  Let me say this – it’s been great having you, Ritcherd, old buddy, and I’ll miss you being around.  See you soon – good luck with all your endeavours and enterprises.  Hope everything comes up bubbles for you.


So, until next time,






PS.  I love my new CD Player.







‘Theme From S-Express’ – S-Express




Oh, I felt sure we were accidentally sitting in FIRST CLASS.  Well, the Ticket Inspector just checked us out and we’re kosher.


I’ve left them, then.


‘SO YOU’RE GOING TODAY,’ said Raquel in a sad voice.  ‘I DON’T WANT YOU TO GO.  COME AND LIVE IN MY LOFT.’


It’s a sod.  I’ll miss it, as I always do.  It’s been an incredible week.




So today was ‘going home’ – thanks to Mr P. Jones, stage star.







‘Blessed State’ – Wire


So here I am.


And I just want to cry again.  And again.  And again.  I have a cup of tea with me and the Wire tape my Dad did me.


This hol, I have watched Who Dares Wins (SKILL!)…


…and Bad Day At Black Rock (watched with my Granddad W skill). 


Tonite, I’m taping The Birds

…and Educating Rita is on tomorrow.


Just found myself thinking about that night after MACBETH when I stayed with Lee-Anne Jones and we massaged each other.  I enjoyed fondling her buttocks + breasts.  She’s left the course now…




‘Hallowed Ground’ – Erasure


So, when I awoke today, I said farewell to Dad + Annie, then Raquel (over the ‘phone), and finally Flash.  Paul drove over with Jack + took us to DONNY and we came home, although not directly, as I found time in Peterborough to buy ERASURE’s The Innocents LP for a fiver.


Oh, Flash.  Oh, Raquel.  Oh, Flash.  I’ll miss you both.


I cleaned out my room when I got in and rearranged stuff and – oh god – I just cried. 


Chip’s great.


God, I cried.  I want to be with you so much, it’s incredible.  Do you understand?  I love you, Flash.  And I long to be with you (and your Raquel) again, so we can laugh + be uninhibitedly SKILL!


I’ll cry again now.





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Next time: ‘Another dream of Beatrice…’

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