The Winterfood Diaries

The Winterfood Diaries

Sunday, 26 March 1989

Behind Watford





‘Shout’ – Tears For Fears

An oldie!


Well, well, well.  A slower day than usual, I suppose.  I arose from a strange slumber really late.




First of all, I was in a call box near the Spar Shop at NORCAT.  Flash walked up to me in his herringbone coat and said, ‘Oh, my mum said you’re coming to stay on Tuesday and Wednesday.’

‘Eh?’ I asked.

‘Well,’ he said, ‘if you come, we’ll have a little do on the Wednesday nite before you go.’

I remember being really pissed off, because I was back in Norfolk, and I couldn’t afford the train fayre back up (and down again) to get to this ‘do’.  So I said, ‘I’ll think about it.’


I then went up to the Drama Studio and began to kiss Emma a lot, after which she had to go off for a lesson.  I sat down and drew some caricatures of my fellow Drama students and some of the staff.  Scarlett Kane, our dance tutor, came in and asked me why I always drew her ‘funnily’.  I said I didn’t know.  She sat on the windowsill and was joined by Simon Lewis who sat next to her.  We then had a big conversation, about what, I can’t remember.  But during this conversation I began to ‘grope’ Scarlett’s knee.  When I realised what I was doing, I said, ‘Oops!  Sorry.’  I then moved on to Simon’s knee and fondled that!  Again, realising what I was doing, I stopped.  And then began to fondle my own knee, muttering, ‘I’ve got this knee fixation.’


As Simon + Scarlett left, Emma re-emerged and we began to kiss yet again – for ages and ages, until I began to think, ‘God!  God!  I’m going to miss my bus home!  It’s 4.15pm!’  I told her we’d better go, and we rushed off to the buses.  But only one bus remained – Emma’s.  She got aboard + waved farewell.


As I got to the ‘bay’ where my bus should have been, I noticed Larry Goodgirl was doing the Porter’s job of bus duty.  He came up to me and asked me if I was ‘ready for tonight’.  It was at this point that I realised I wasn’t, in fact, a student, but I WAS a Kathakali Dancer.


So I returned to the Drama Studio, where Simon did a make-up test on me, in blues, blacks + the all-important GREEN!  I washed the test off as Simon went away to see Maggie, his girlfriend – or so he said.  I felt very jealous and wanted to be the one going off to see Maggie.  With nothing else to do, I put the make-up back on and it looked brilliant!  Then in came Maggie.  I asked her if she was still going out with Simon.  She said, ‘No,’ and I felt suddenly very happy.  But then Simon returned and she left.  I followed her, going down the Library Block stairs, which suddenly turned into a scene from ITV’s THE BILL, and I was joined by various cops from the show.  As part of the drama, I went with a bunch of them to the first house I had ever lived in – at Western Avenue, Pontefract – where a terrible murder was taking place.


It got confusing from hereon, but an evil woman set about the cops with a big, sharp, dart-type object.  I ran, not daring to look back, hiding in various gardens, hearing the deaths of several policemen behind me, and knowing that sooner or later she’d get me…


‘Chains of Love’ – Erasure


Anyway.  Today, I ate Sunday Lunch with Gran + Granddad Winterfood + Gran Sugden, before watching EASTENDERS and then toddling off to Flash’s.  He played my new Yello record, and it’s fantastic.  We then proceeded to spend about five hours writing a six-page script, Behind Watford - the ‘Arts In Society’ Sketch, which I think is fabulous and totally BREE BAG WOZ.


I returned here, to Gran’s, but not before my Dad rang to tell me we can spend Tuesday together, which I’m looking forward to immensely.  GREAT STUFF.





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Next time: ‘The amazing bed saga…’

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