The Winterfood Diaries

The Winterfood Diaries

Thursday, 23 March 1989

Back To Yorkshire


‘Brand New Lover’ – Dead Or Alive



 

DEAR DIARY,

 

THE LYRIX OF THIS SONG RING TRUE, EMMA.

 

HEY THEE, LAST NITE, I DREAMED…

 

I was at a MISSION gig in TILNEY VILLAGE HALL, waiting for THE MISH to come on.  Natalia was with me, but she went to the bar and didn’t come back!  Stan came over + then we waited ages for the Mission to come on.  Simon Hinkler borrowed my pint and I said, ‘Remember me?’, and he looked at me as if to say, ‘FUCK OFF, TRENDY’.  So I was very pleased when they tried to play + they couldn’t!  HAR-HAR!  So off they went + came back with a record player + played one of their tracks and attempted to copy it!  They failed.  Hoo-hoo!  So off they went again and we all waited + waited, but they’d gone home, which meant we’d all wasted £8 each on the tickets!  God!  Eh?

 

Later:

 

1.30pm

TRAIN TO DONCASTER

 

‘One More Chance’ – Pet Shop Boys



 

THE CHINESE PLAY, PHASE II

THINGS TO DO:

 

MUSICAL CONTENT – PREFERABLY BASED ON PIANO (LOLA’S SOLO)

SCRIPT OMISSIONS + EXTENSIONS

LOCAL NEWSPAPER COVERAGE

ART EAST ADVERTISEMENT

ORGANISE VIDEO + CAMERA PERSONS

NEW SOUNDTRACK

CONTACT ARTS CENTRE ABOUT PUBLICITY DISPLAYS, etc.

GET TO SEE TICKETS, ASAP

REDESIGN POSTERS + PROGRAMME

TAKE WORKSHOPS INTO SCHOOLS (A JOB FOR DONNA, THIS)

EXTEND THE ROLE OF ‘EDDIE’

 

RE-SHUFFLE

 

SHELLEY GREENE – STAGE MANAGEMENT + MORE PRODUCTION RESPONSIBILITY

 

DONNA DAVIDSON – PUBLICITY + SCHOOL TOURS

 

CARL MORRIS – LIGHTS

 

ME – DIRECTOR + PRODUCER – BUT WORK WITH ACTORS MUCH MORE.

 

URGENT!

 

CONTACT BUXTON FESTIVAL – ORGANISE VENUE, ACCOMODATION AND TRANSPORT.

 

IF BUXTON GOES AHEAD, WE’LL RE-REHEARSE A THIRD VERSION, THIS TIME WITH RAQUEL STEVENS TAKING OVER FROM KATRISHA HILL, DANYEL GORDON TAKING OVER FROM JONNY BADCOCK, BUT SECURING THE CONTINUED SERVICES OF TRACEY JOYCE, RON JOHNSON, JULIAN WARD.

 

Later:

 

‘Body and Soul’ – The Sisters Of Mercy



 

DEAR DIARY,

It’s about 3.30pm

 

Where am I?  Sitting on the back doorstep of Flash’s house on Ashton Street, in Castleford, W. Yorks.

 

Ah well, I packed all my stuff this morning + me ‘n’ Jack boarded the train to Donny.  Paul (Jack’s dad, my erstwhile step-dad) picked us up at the other end.  Haven’t seen Paul for two years (when I was with Flash and we all got drunk), but he’s doing well for himself with his EQUITY card (!) and his music gigs + his bit parts in the THEATRE and on TELLY.  SOD!

 

I arrived here (he dropped me off) at about 2.45pm, but Flash wasn’t here.  He’s in Leeds with Raquel – getting a new CD system, I think.  Having all that vinyl’s become a bit of a piss-off.  I’m thinking of saving for one, as it happens.  CD’s really DO put vinyl to shame.  Tuff shit, vinyl!

 

‘WE BUYS SEEDIES!’

 

Do you, Berwin?

 

‘YUH.’

 

What for?

 

‘SO’S WE CAN PUT JAM ON ‘EM + SMACK ‘EM WI’ ‘AMMERS!  DANT WE, GROOMSTOOL?  YES WE DOES, BERWIN, MY PRECIOUS!’

 

Anyway, what’re you doing here, Berwin?

 

‘NASTY DUH ONE LADSEH!  WE HATES IT!  WE HATES ONE DUH LADSEH!  IT HURTS US!’

 

I don’t!  Fuck off!

 

‘PING.’

 

Wait!  Don’t run away!

 

SHIT.  He’s gone.

 

Anyhoy, I went into Cas just now to get my prescription from the Chemist, and the nice lady gave me tonnes of zit-tabs.  I ate PIZZA, too.

 

Well, Flash, hello!  Fancy a cackeroony profiterole?

 

It’s going to piss it down.  I can tell.

 

‘HOY!’

 

Oh no!

 

Later:

6.20pm.

 

My No.1: ‘Don Juan (Disco 12-inch mix)’ by Pet Shop Boys



BRILLIANT + COOL!

 

So, Flash turned up and here we are, with Raquel.

 

OI!  THEE!  OI!  EY UP, THEE!

 

So what’s Flash writing about in his diary? 

 

Fook.

 

Chortle.

 

Hey.  Maggie, do you think you’ll finish with Simon soon?  And if you do, well, do you like me?  At all?  I’m ‘CRACKERS’ about you, Maggie.  So, whenever you feel like you want someone to love or care for you, or you just need someone to be ACKERLY SKILL and STUPID with…

 

GET ON WITH IT, GORDON, YOU JYP WILLY!

 

Later:

 

Flash’s pregnancy is called off!

 

Later:

 

‘Stop!’ – Erasure



 

So Flash and Raquel have had something of ‘a little scare’, believing they were soon to be parents due to their enjoyment of condom-free sexual intercourse – and no pill, either!  Oooh dear!  Dear, dear me.  Luckily, ‘t’wasn’t so, but they only found out TODAY and they’re now both VERY happy.

 

Tonight, Flash is showing me his German ‘Pissing’ video, which is something of a curiosity as I’ve never seen anything like this before.  I’m really enjoying it.

 

Later:

 

‘Smells Like…’ – Alien Sex Fiend



 

Oh aye! 


Thanks for helping us take photos of Berwin tonight, Raquel!


 





 

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders including works originated by Elton Townend Jones, but excluding any images or design attributed to ‘The Situation’ which are copyright of The Situation (see specific acknowledgements in the ‘Thanks to…’section below) / ‘Berwin Groomstool’ is an iteration of the Situation character‘William Whicker’ and falls under joint copyright of Elton Townend Jones and Waen Shepherd / Based on true events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction – cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is non-profit; all video clips are used for illustrative purposes and always come from YouTube / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context. Never forget: no man is an island. If you think anything I’ve used is damaging you in any way, please comment and immediate action will be taken to minimise offence / This notice was amended on 1 July 2012 and is intended to cover this and all posts on www.25yearstoolate.blogspot.com that precede it]

 

Next time: ‘Lord of the Jedi…’

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