The Winterfood Diaries

The Winterfood Diaries

Friday, 31 March 1989

Another Dream of Beatrice


EXTREMELY LATE.

 

‘A Little Respect’ – Erasure



 

I know I want some DEAD OR ALIVE records.  Lots. 


And lots of new clothes.  And George says to Jack that I’ve got to ‘LOOK OUT FOR A PACKAGE’.  Strange.

 

Babysat for Chip.  Changed a poohey nappy.

 



 

March 1989 is almost over.  And it feels odd.  The sun is fantastic + the change (i.e. rise) in temperature is wonderfully noticeable.  That nice time of year is upon us again.

 

‘If I Ever Thought You’d Be Lonely’ – ABC



 

I’ve been pretty much alone, consoling myself with thoughts of Flash, Raquel and the last week.  I really miss it.  And next week, when I return to that UNSPEAKABLE PLACE, I know I’ll have such a ‘chip on my shoulder’.  I’ll be so ANTI-everybody.  Can’t be helped.  I’ll certainly have no time for the fickle + stupid.  Even less for the irritating.  Who will I be faithful to?  It’s like my past is my shrine … my background … I carry it with me.  And then there’s Emma.  We are approaching the end.  Surely.  I want to let it all go, and become a memory.  We aren’t suited, I can accept that now where I couldn’t before.  So HOW?  HOW?  How hurt will she be?

 

‘Round and Round’ – New Order



 

Flash and Raquel had a day today at Jessica’s for Birthday Tea (Jess’s birthday), before spending an evening at his dad’s.  Sadly, as I rang him tonite, Flash was arguing with Raquel, and he says it seems as if she’s trying to find a way out of their relationship, throwing ‘we’re not suited’ at him, and accusing him of not caring, etc.  Strained, indeed.  I hope it resolves.  I like Raquel.  And I love Flash.  They’ve become a single entity to me now.  I hope it all resolves.

 

Of course, hearing this makes me feel even more guilty about Emma.  What can I say?  You know, I am certain that I’d really like to spend time with MAGGIE.  She’s the only thing that interests me about my return to College at the moment.  I desire her.  If she HAS finished with Simon, then, cruel as it may seem, I HOPE she’s attracted to me (Lord help her!).  Am I influential enough to make something grow between us?  I shan’t force anything, but if the opportunity seemed to arise, I’d help it along.  Only if she split with Simon, though.  I wouldn’t do a thing before that happened.  If it happens.  God, please let something truly beautiful and unique grow between MAGGIE and me.  I mean, surely only something fantastic could grow between us.  I really don’t want to step on Simon’s toes, but if the DO finish, then, please, whoever guides my life, aim her feelings at mine and let us find out what could be.  I have such strong feelings for MAGGIE.  I’ve missed her greatly this week.  Does she feel what I feel?  Can she tell that I like her?  Will anything develop?

 

‘Don Juan’ – Pet Shop Boys



 

Last nite, I dreamt I met up with BMW again, in a shop.  We went back to her house for coffee and to make amends for the past.  CRAP!

 

All my deepest love,

Ritcherd J Winterfood

X

 

I love you, FLASH.

I love you, RAQUEL.

Could I love you, MAGGIE?

 





 

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Next time: ‘Foolery…’

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