The Winterfood Diaries

The Winterfood Diaries

Friday, 17 March 1989

A Natalia Day


‘DON’T YOU FIND THAT THIS YEAR IS GOING SO QUICKLY?  IT ONLY SEEMS DAYS AGO THAT YOU RANG ME ON NEW YEAR’S EVE!’

 

Dear diary,

And so I continue to live and travel upon frightening roads that seem to pale into terrible nothing and erode the edges of my soul…

 

‘Soul Kitchen’ – The Doors



 

The world of today, my friends, is: THE BAKERY CAFÉ, Wisbech.

 

‘IT’S ONLY JUST DAWNED ON ME, I’M GOING TO FRANCE ON TUESDAY.  AND I DON’T WANT TO GO.  FOR LOTS OF REASONS, REALLY…’

 

It must be about 8.15am, and here I am, alone, with my pot of tea.  It’s rather funny.  On reflection, it reminds me of those formative days in January 1987 when all I ever did was miss my bus to College + sit in cafes, some in King’s Lynn, squandering the fifty pounds my Grandmother had given me!  I find both wonder and stupidity in my former selves.  And much contradiction.

 

‘AT LAST, I’VE ARRANGED SOMETHING – THIS IS POSITIVE…’

 

Later:

 

It’s 9.20am, or so.

 

‘WE SAW LITTLE OF EACH OTHER, YEAH…  BUT WHEN WE DID…!’

 

‘One Step From Heaven’ – The Adventures



 

I just wandered around Wisbech in a state of near-boredom that finally brought me back to the café.  I am now accompanied by a pot of tea and an Egg Custard.

 

‘I WAS THINKING “GOD!  VERY SOON YOU’LL HAE LEFT EAST ANGLIA AND ALL YOUR FRIENDS,” AND I WAS SCARED OF LOSING TOUCH WITH SOME PEOPLE ALTHOUGH I WASN’T BOTHERED ABOUT OTHERS.  AND I THOUGHT, “WELL, WHO WOULD I STAY IN TOUCH WITH?”  DID I REALLY HAVE SUCH GOOD FRIENDS?’

 

Later:

 

Still in the café.

 

‘No Memory’ – Scarlet Fantastic



 

‘SO I THOUGHT, HANG ON, NAT…  WHAT WAS THE MOST TREASURED FRIENDSHIP OF 1988?  RITCHERD – AND YOU’RE JUST LETTING IT SLIP AWAY…’

 

So why am I in Wisbech this early in the morning?  Shouldn’t I be at college?  Yes, I should.  It’s the last day over there, but I’m not going.  And, no!  I haven’t missed my bus.  I’m meeting Natalia at 11am + had to leave the house on the pretence of going to College.

 

‘IT ALL HAPPENED WHEN SANDY SAID, “DO YOU REALISE THIS TIME LAST YEAR WE WERE AT STAN’S PARTY?”, AND I REMEMBERED I HADN’T WRITTEN TO YOU…’

 

It’ll be nice to see Nat, but even though I’m full of anticipation, I am feeling nervous … anxious.

 

‘MY FRIEND, SHE WAS EVER-SO JEALOUS WHEN YOU + I WERE FRIENDS – I NEVER REALISED I SHOWED IT SO MUCH…’

 

Natalia and I, surprisingly, saw little of each other.  There were so many times I wanted to ask her out, but something … died … the night we kissed.  Why? 

 

Will all the unasked questions be answered today?  Let us hope so.

 

Later:

1pm

THE TOWN LIBRARY.

 

‘Evergreen (Extended)’ – Into A Circle



 

We came, we saw, we wondered.

 

In WH SMITH’s it seemed a shoplifter was at large.  Natalia and I (along with the entire staff, more or less) spied him up to no good…

 

Hmmm.  Smoked Cheese spread on bread.  Mmmm.  I don’t suppose we’re actually allowed to eat in libraries, are we?  Oh well.  Ne’er mind.

 

Natalia and I caught up on each other’s histories and it was jolly nice to see her again.  She’s had a bit of a hard time, falling out with friends and Mark, her boyfriend, over the last few months, but is feeling better now and has realised she DOES want to go to FRANCE.  She’s changed + is a little surer of herself, despite an insecurity that often rears its head conversation.

 

We had coffee in ANDREW’S (ages since I’ve been there!) and chatted at great length.  I told her about my holiday with Flash in Richmond, and found myself in uncontrollable fits of laughter remembering the day we were soaking wet in our ripped and thin goth clothes (and hair!), walking along hating each other, when all these well-prepared, suitably attired kagool- + waterproof boot-clad people came walking by, smiling heartily as we huffed and puffed along.

 

We then spent an hour going from shop to shop trying to choose a present for the French family she is to stay with, until, finally, she had to go to SIXTH FORM.

 

Oh well.  It’s 1.15pm.  There’s a bus to Lynn at 1.25pm.  I think I’ll pop in.  I owe it to Emma to do so.  I can’t bear to even consider weighing up the future for her and me…

 

Goodbye, diary.

 

Later:

1.25pm

BUS WAITING ROOM.

 

‘The Only Way Is Up’ – Yazz



 

Where’s the bloody bus?

 

I bet it’s chuffing gone – CUNT!

 

FUCK SHIT!

 

Remember Jayne Tyler?  I used to go out with her in 1985.  Well, she had this really nice face and wonderful, long, curly brown hair to go with it.  I’ve just seen her.  She looked well pissed-off and her hair was in a well severe bob.

 

And time moves on.  Killing us all.

 

ESPECIALLY BLOODY FUCKBOLLOX – WHERE’S THAT BAS?  BOOGAROO!

 

BOOGADADDY!

 

BOOGADDY-BOOGADDY-FOOOOK!

 

TETWANG!

 


 

‘HELLO, DUH NICE TWO LADSES!  GROOMSTOOL FWENTS TER FWISH YOUS A HAPPY EASTER, DANT WE, BERWIN?  O YEYASS, WE DO, O MY FLAVVERLY.  O NO, DANT MAKE JOKES ABART POOR BERWIN; HE FWENTS TER HELP DUH NICE TWO LADSES!  DANT PICK ON HIM.  NASTY DUH TWO LADSES!  NOT NEECE!  DUH TWO LADSES IS NOT FANEECE!  POOR BERWIN – POOR BERWIN…  BERWIN FLEEKS KIND DUH ONE LADSES, BAT FWEE HATESES DUH TAT’OTHER MAD ONE LADSER, DANT FWEE, GROOMSTOOL?’

 

Later:

4.15pm

 

‘Ahead’ – Wire



 

‘BUSES, HO!’

 

And so they filed from the college, one by one, Winterfood’s at the very last, as was usual.

 

So what’s new?

 

(The opposite of ‘old’, methinks)

 

‘Where’s Berwin these days?’ I ask myself.

 

‘FLEE-ING ARARND ON US TRANSMAT TRAVEL RAGSES, ARESN’T FWEE, GROOMSTOOL?’

 

Oh, that’s right.  I’ve seen him twice today.  Each time, he tried to convince me that he comes and goes via transmit – when, in fact, all he actually does is run away and hide…

 

Later:

10.50pm

 
I arrived at Tech and spent all the time I could with Emma.  It’s sad that she will miss me.  She may grow to enjoy being apart from me.  She’s really nice, though.

 

Jonny’s nice and I’ll miss him.  I sat with him in the Common Room for a bit.  He’s got his new gurlie, Laura, staying with him next week.

 

Donna ‘Double D’ Davidson’s going back to CIRENCESTER, and we reflected together on a tumultuous term.  I wrote a letter for her to give to Sinead Howarth.

 

Marita, is our new group member, by the way, and is finding somewhere to live in Lynn.

 

Danny has Astra staying over for the entire holiday.

 

Me?  I rang Flash.  I can’t wait to see him next week.

 

It’s really been a chaotic term as far as THE CHINESE PLAY goes.  Next term, THE CHINESE PLAY will be newer and faster and better.  Larry said Donna has got to do all the producing now, with Shelley as her assistant, and I’ve got to concentrate on my actors.

 

Now for some work at the lorry yard and then a little holiday.

 

Today should have been some kind of big NOSTALGIA.  ‘Cept it wasn’t.

 

Tonight, I finished reading THE TWO TOWERS by Tolkien.

 

Later:

 

‘Everything Counts’ – Depeche Mode



 

Nice of Shanice to say – oh!  Today.  Simone, yes.  Remember her?  She’s this girl who used to go to TRIANGLIA and she’s younger than me, but quite gorgeous.  Well, I saw her in the bus station this afternoon and she said I look more ‘scrumptious’ every time she sees me.  God!  She says she thinks I’m ‘ever-so good-looking’.  I like to think I am, of course.  But in all honesty?  Nope, I can’t see it at all.  Just making the best of a bad job. 

 
But thanks, Shanice.

Maggie was bored today.  In the Common Room, Jonny, Dave (Donna), Simon ‘n’ Maggie and I were sitting together.  I was, of course, gaping in awe at Maggie, while Simon seemed more interested in playing around with Dave.

 

‘I’m bored,’ said Maggie.

 

No one heeded her, save me + Jonny.

 





 

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Next time: ‘Bloody bugger…’

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