The Winterfood Diaries

The Winterfood Diaries

Tuesday, 17 January 1989

Six Years From Now: 17/01/1995

‘Lifeforms’ – Future Sound of London


Whilst emptying the bin, I discovered a letter dated 05/01/95, addressed to me but thrown away.  Lilith had written it.


It said something like:


‘The truth of the matter is that I’ve fallen in love with someone else and have been in love with them for almost 3 months.  It’s doubtful whether we’ll be together; I don’t think I’ll be with this person, but it’s happened…’


Since October! 


I was gutted.  I couldn’t stop crying.


When she came back from college, I was in the bath, listening to Elvis Costello.  She got upset, crying, telling me that I should never have read the letter.


‘Why?’ I asked.


‘Because you won’t want to be with me now…’


After all the things we discussed last night, now she’s saying that she’s no longer with ‘this person’, and that she hadn’t been in love with him.


Whoever ‘this person’ was, she told me it was a 3rd Yr at Uni who she only ‘saw’ 3 times.  But how long for?  They fucked once, she said, and she’ll never see him again, although he still wants her!


She cried and burnt the letter.  This left me thinking that she did want to be with me after all.


I’m fooling myself.


She wouldn’t tell me anything more about this guy, but plied me with questions about Eva, who I’d earlier decided I’d go and stay with as a consequence of Lilith’s declaration yesterday that we were quite blatantly over.



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Next time: ‘Back to 1989…’

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