‘China In Your Hand’ – T’Pau
Today, we didn’t rise till 12pm, thus Justine was angry at my ‘lateness’ and went really bitchy. I thought this was childish and unnecessary. I have learnt that I enjoy spending time with my Performing Arts friends, yes, but she needn’t feel threatened by it. I love Justine so much. I am so happy that we are together again, and I can’t spell it out to her enough.
I guess I’m getting more career-minded, which is difficult because Justine’s not keen on my new more ‘conservative’ attitudes. She thinks I’m changing, becoming someone she doesn’t know. I suppose this is true to some extent, but I’ve never been the same form one minute to the next. I guess this transformation is fundamental, though. My love for Drama is affecting everything in my world. But it has to. This is the most crucial turning point in my life so far, I’m certain of that.
Anyway, at 4.15pm, I decided I couldn’t be bothered to be bitched at, so ignoring our customary ‘kissing by the buses’ session, I got on the bus and went home.
My No.1: ‘Hail! The White Grain’ – Death In June
Justine rang tonite + asked me why I’m ‘never there’. I explained that the course work takes up an extremely large part of my life. She asked me why I’m quieter now + not all noisy + loud, like I was in the old days. All I could tell her was the truth: I’m a bit of a quiet guy nowadays, and I’m finding my expression in newer and more challenging parts of my life. I told her I still really love her and want to be with her, though. But this wasn’t good enough; she was spoiling for a fight. I told her I really had no desire to argue. So she finished with me. Just like that. Just because I have friends and I’m a hard-working guy. Because I’m quiet and never there when she wants me.
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Next time: ‘Jonny and Kat…’