The Winterfood Diaries

The Winterfood Diaries

Friday, 11 November 1988

A Spanking Good Time

‘Mexican Radio’ – Wall of Voodoo


Today, the panto work really got going, with Will Daniels assisting me with the format.  He brought in various Panto Scripts, including PUSS IN BOOTS, LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD, PETER PAN, and ALADDIN.  After much consideration, he and I decided to opt for something of a soft option.  Sending my mind back to O-level Drama in 1985, I recalled that we had devised a panto with a ‘quest’ theme (like Doctor Who’s Key to Time season!).  This sort of thing is relatively easy to write for, consisting of a repeated set piece: ‘Find the objects and stop the curse…’ 


Will liked the idea, so this is what we’ve decided to do on this project. 


So it was that Will and I chose to pluck characters from various shows and create something of a ‘panto revue’ or ‘showcase’.  We chose the following characters:


PUSS from Puss In Boots

THE WOLF from Little Red Riding Hood

CAPT. HOOK from Peter Pan

ALADDIN from Aladdin

THE GENIE from Aladdin

PRINCE CHARMING from Cinderella

TINKERBELL from Peter Pan


On top of these, we threw in a standard EVIL QUEEN (although this one was definitely in the Snow White mould), a typical Panto Dame (by the name of DAME DISHUP), and a villain.  The villain this time is, of course, Flash’s and my creation, BERWIN GROOMSTOOL.  I am pushing him as close to the public as I possibly can, but he is perfect to play the hammy, cowardly but melodramatic ‘evil’ villain.  Our heroine is DOROTHY, stolen from that non-pantomime, The Wizard Of Oz.  And she will be working on behalf of THE WIZARD, who is also in the show.


‘Mirror Mirror’ – Dollar


After a crash course in Panto techniques, thanks to Will, I set off and began writing the script, which I completed in just five short hours.  It is called The Day Pantomime Ended, and sees Dorothy called upon by The Wizard to visit various pantomimes and retrieve various objects (from a variety of panto characters) that will be used in a spell to prevent the Evil Queen from destroying Pantomime forever.  Quite neat, really!


I am pleased with my script and it seems quite nice as a little bit of children’s entertainment goes (if it has any fault, then maybe it’s a bit ‘young’).  For me, one of its redeeming features is purely personal.  Apart from resembling Doctor Who’s Key to Time quest, it strikes me as a perfect spin-off from the BTC/Situation Theatre Co.’s Waxy X-Periment cassettes (also starring Berwin Groomstool, with the Wizard being a lot like Noah Neenaw).


Will’s also helping with the direction, which lessens the load for me, so I’m pleased.  He’s a good lad, with a lot of experience in the Barnes Bysea Theatre, and I wonder sometimes whether or not he thinks I’m just some little shit…


‘Chequered Love’ – Kim Wilde


Justine got really pizzled today, which pissed me off, especially when she started vomming everywhere.  She was so ill and it made me really angry.  All I wanted was to spend time with my gorgeous girlfriend, but no, she just went and ruined it by drinking deliberately huge amounts.  I got angry and left her to it.  The whole thing has, for all intents + purposes, put me off drink + all other intoxicants.

She was horribly noisy all today, but began to mellow out towards the end of the day, and at one point even made friends with Kat Hill, which was nice.


Justine and I got back to BLACKBERRY NARROW just as my parents were leaving for Yorkshire.  We spent tonite watching pop videos, listening to records and, at last, stripping each other naked and making beautiful love on the living room floor, in front of the fire.  It was wonderful, and I love her body, so white and curvy and sexy against that pitch-black hair, those dark eyes, that wicked, gorgeous smile.  I love spanking her (because she adores it), and I love licking her sexy pussy out.  It was such a long and thrilling session – with lots of gorgeous rear entry – so good that we did it all over again in my bed.  I love being inside her, tasting her, the smell of her on my fingers.  But why do I get so moody, distant and hung-up immediately after sex?  I don’t mean to, but it happens.  It’s buggering me off.



[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders including works originated by Elton Townend Jones, but excluding any images or design attributed to ‘The Situation’ which are copyright of The Situation (see specific acknowledgements in the ‘Thanks to…’section below) / ‘Berwin Groomstool’ is an iteration of the Situation character‘William Whicker’ and falls under joint copyright of Elton Townend Jones and Waen Shepherd / Based on true events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction – cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is non-profit; all video clips are used for illustrative purposes and always come from YouTube / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context. Never forget: no man is an island. If you think anything I’ve used is damaging you in any way, please comment and immediate action will be taken to minimise offence / This notice was amended on 1 July 2012 and is intended to cover this and all posts on that precede it]


Next time: ‘Delgado barbecue…’

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