The Winterfood Diaries

The Winterfood Diaries

Sunday, 30 October 1988

Lola's Incidents


‘Kingdom Come’ – David Bowie



 

Today, I ate a beautiful Sunday lunch at Gran + Granddad Winterfood’s place, along with my lovely Granny Sugden.

 

In the afternoon, I called on Flash.  We watched bits of Doctor Who, ate Chinese from Lola’s (Ha-ha!) with nice Gerry and nice Lee (her boyfriend) and then tried to ‘kill’ a red balloon in as many unconventional ways as possible.

 

Speaking of Lola’s, Flash’s been telling me all about some strange incidents that have been going on in his life, all of them occurring in or around Lola’s Chinese Take Away on Beancroft Road.

 

SUCH AS:

 

FLASH TELEPHONING LOLA’S CHINESE TAKE AWAY + ORDERING A MEAL.  ON ARRIVAL AT THE TAKE AWAY, HE IS TOLD THE ORDER HAS BEEN TAKEN.  BIZARRE.  WHY?  BECAUSE IT’S DISTURBING.  IT’S STUPID + POINTLESS, BUT DEFINITELY DISTURBING.

 

FLASH VISITING LOLA’S + COMING FACE TO FACE WITH LOLA FOR THE FIRST TIME (AFTER VISTING COUNTLESS TIMES AND ONLY EVER BEING SERVED BY A LURCHY BLOKE WE’VE DECIDED IS CALLED ‘DAVE’).  SHE PERSISTENTLY TOUCHES HIS HAIR, HANDS + FACE, ALMOST SEEMING TO ‘CHAT HIM UP’.  SHE SPEAKS IN VERY BAD ENGLISH, WITH A THICK ACCENT + HE UNDERSTANDS NOTHING SHE IS SAYING.  I JOKED THAT SHE PROBABLY SPOKE IN PERFECT ENGLISH TO ‘DAVE’ ONCE HE HAD GONE.

 

FLASH HAS NOTICED THAT ALL THE OTHER CUSTOMERS ONLY ORDER BEEF CURRY + CHIPS.  NO ONE, OTHER THAN HIM + GERRY, SEEMS TO BUY ADVENTUROUS FOOD, OR EVEN RICE.

 

FLASH WAS APPROACHED BY A ‘STRANGE BOY’ AT SCHOOL, WHO COMMANDED FLASH TO ‘BE AT T’CHINK ON FRIDAY NIGHT’.  FLASH DIDN’T UNDERSTAND WHAT THIS WAS ABOUT, AND THE BOY RAN AWAY, LEAVING HIM NONE THE WISER.  THE NEXT DAY, FLASH ORDERS IN LOLA’S.  AFTER APPROX 10 MINS IN THE SHOP, ‘THE BOY’ JUMPS UP FROM BEHIND THE COUNTER, SHOUTING ‘WHAT DID I SAY?!’ – LEAVING FLASH TO SUSPECT THAT THERE MIGHT BE SOME CONSPIRACY AFOOT… 

 

Flash and I are good mates.

 

Later:

 

Flash writes a letter to Justine:

 

Dear Justine,

 

I don’t know what to do, so I suppose I’ll just have to witter on about this and that.

 

How are you?  How are your friends?  What’s the weather like?  Here in Yorkshire it’s very dark.  I’m sorry about this, I’m not a very good conversationalist, even less so than I ever was, and it doesn’t do me very much good.

 

Anyway, do you know Ritcherd?  Well, he’s gone to the toilet to get away from me for a while and left me with this pen in my hand and the ideas that I might write you a letter.  I moaned, but it is no use and I am forced to this sheet of paper to tell you things like what’s been happening down our way.  Well, we have discovered that William Hantrell is both racist and gayist, so it’s just as well he is sadly no longer with us.

 

Ritcherd has said some very complimentary things about you today.

 

Love,

 

Flash

xxx

 




 

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders including works originated by Elton Townend Jones, but excluding any images or design attributed to ‘The Situation’ which are copyright of The Situation (see specific acknowledgements in the ‘Thanks to…’section below) / ‘Berwin Groomstool’ is an iteration of the Situation character‘William Whicker’ and falls under joint copyright of Elton Townend Jones and Waen Shepherd / Based on true events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction – cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is non-profit; all video clips are used for illustrative purposes and always come from YouTube / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context. Never forget: no man is an island. If you think anything I’ve used is damaging you in any way, please comment and immediate action will be taken to minimise offence / This notice was amended on 1 July 2012 and is intended to cover this and all posts on www.25yearstoolate.blogspot.com that precede it]

 

Next time: ‘Macbeth at the Red Mount…’

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