The Winterfood Diaries

The Winterfood Diaries

Friday, 30 September 1988

The End of Ritch and Miranda


‘Where Have All The Good Times Gone?’ – David Bowie



 

Today featured: Collegiate pressures and revised priorities.

 

We of the Set Design Team – including the invaluable Shelley Greene – rearranged and revised our priorities and set about working on a new and tougher schedule.  TIME’S CATCHING UP ON US.

 

My enthusiasm is, quite unprofessionally, flagging, due to my inexperience and the lack of creative input from anyone but Shelley.  But for her, I’d have been left to my own devices.

 

Later:

 

Tonite featured: The Angel and an ending…

 

‘We Are The Dead’ – David Bowie



 

This evening, in The Angel, Miranda and I drank lager.  Things started out okay, but gradually she began to irritate me with her infantile, haughty superiority; her lack of respect (for her parents and me); her cloying, malignant, one-sided possessiveness; her utter insensitivity and intolerance; and her downright middle-class childishness.  Still, I told myself, work on it.  Make this work.  This is BM Wasp, for god’s sake.  But I didn’t know if I could.

 

Whilst we were there, Ash introduced me to Shell, the 18-year-old girl from Cambridge, who he’s been seeing for yonks.  Thing is, quite uncannily (and we’re both Geminis!), he doesn’t think he loves her any more and was irritated by her presence.  And while the parallels with my Miranda situation were quite striking, it seemed oddly reminiscent of my situation with Naomi Bell in ’87.

 

I also chatted with Spock about my favourite subject, Doctor Who.

 

‘Please Don’t Touch’ – Motorhead & Girlschool

 

Eventually, when I sat chatting with Shell, Miranda started telling me what I was thinking and got stroppy in that crass ‘let’s play at splitting up’ type of way.  I had no intention of falling out with her, but she persisted in bugging me so much that I did.

 

‘You don’t care about me, do you?’ she asked.

‘Oh, don’t I?’ I asked; feeling really fucked off at the turn things were taking.

 

I’m sure that from this moment I acted in a deliberately irritating way; defensive and no doubt childish.  But it was HILARIOUS when she accused me of using her for sex.

 

I USED HER?  WE ALL KNOW – GIVEN HER INABILITY TO OFFER ME A ‘REAL’ RELATIONSHIP – IT WAS THE OTHER WAY AROUND!  [Chill, man! – Ritcherd 1999]

 

I had refused to have sex for something close to two weeks because, quite frankly, I didn’t want to be having sex with someone I wasn’t in a committed and permanent relationship with.

 

[And being a beautiful 18-year-old woman’s sex object is a problem?!! – Ritcherd 1999]

 

It’s such a shame it had to end this way, but I guess it just had to.  If a relationship isn’t properly balanced, it tips.  The same thing happened with Justine and Kat.  But I’m glad I had a chance to close the book.

 

[My God, we really did love each other, Miranda and I, we were just too naïve and scared to work on the things that you only really learn about a few years later.  With 11 years more experience, I can truly say that I was more in love with Miranda than I can possibly believe I will ever be from hereon – Ritch, 1999 XXX]

 

Later:

 

‘I Hate Myself For Loving You’ – Joan Jett



 

Miranda and me are finished.  And I’m glad.  It just wasn’t true.  It wasn’t HUMAN.  Attitude-wise, she’s a bitch. 

 

SNOOTY

BITCH!

FUCK OFF!

 

That whole myth is now dead.  Thank God.

 




 

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Next time: ‘Rock 'n' roll pissed…’

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