‘Oh To Be In Love’ – Kate Bush
Tonite, Miranda and I got depressed together in Wisbech. I think we were both so out of sorts. I didn’t know what to talk about at all, so we moped.
I’m beginning to worry that ‘we’ are all about getting drunk and then having sex in the outdoors. Which is great, but I think I want a bit more than that. I want her mum to know about us, and I want some kind of… I dunno. I’m holding back so many of my feelings for her, but it’s making me suddenly very subdued. I’m not pushing for her total commitment. I don’t want a ‘serious’ relationship with her, I’m certain of it. I just don’t want to get hurt. Not over Miranda. Not again. And I don’t want her to be hurt, either.
I am so confused. She won’t commit, I know it, but then again she seems like she’s up to her ears in love with me – or is it just lust? Am I just someone she’s using for sex? That scares me. Or maybe she just has a lusty sexual appetite and I’m letting my own inadequacies get in the way. Again. I really don’t know. One minute I want more of her, and the next minute I’m frightened that she wants more of me than just these casual times together.
I’ll change the subject. Doomy winter approaches.
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Next time: ‘The Rescue…’