The Winterfood Diaries

The Winterfood Diaries

Sunday, 14 August 1988

Spellbinding


‘Kiss’ – Marilyn Monroe


 

When Kat stayed this weekend, Ms Wasp haunted me.  I dreamt a spellbinding dream of intense realism.  In the dream, I returned to her house on NORTH BRINK, and she reluctantly agreed to speak with me.  I entered the house and we spoke as old friends.  I was allowed to stay overnite, because the conversation was unstoppable.  We talked and talked, and it seemed she was still very much engaged to Mark Dalton.  I cried.  She consoled.  I woke up in tears, thinking: ‘Well, thank God we’re friends again.’  I turned over and tried to recreate the dream, just so I could hug her, be with her.  But I could not.

 

Kat obviously saw a change in me all today.

 

I am going to send my acceptance letter for BTEC off this week.

 

Later:

 

‘Spanish Harlem’ – The Mamas & the Papas



 

AUGUST…

 

THE PROBLEM?

 

It’s always been there.  Or rather SHE’s always been there.  INSIDE MY HEAD.  And I can’t see her ever getting out of it.  I DON’T WANT HER TO GET OUT.

 

B.M.W.

 

Why are those three letters etched into my soul?  Branded onto my heart?

 

BEATRICE

MIRANDA

WASP

 

IT HURTS, O YES IT REALLY HURTS.  My neglect of that LOVE…  7 months and … I created a hell for myself, a hell that should have been blissful heaven. 

 

SHE’S OBVIOUSLY STILL INSIDE MY HEAD.

 

I KNOW WHERE SHE LIVES.  I KNOW HER ‘PHONE NUMBER.  But I can hardly speak to her now, can I? 

 

Now. 

 

Not now.

 

But then, I expect we’ll never speak or meet again.  AND THAT’S DRIVEN HOME LATELY.  She’ll probably start UNI somewhere this AUTUMN.  When will I ever see her again after that?

 

1985’S GONE…

… and 1988 DRIVES HARD…

 

I LOST.

I LOST.

 

ALL I WANT TO DO IS SEE HER.  SPEAK TO HER.

 

ONCE MORE.

ONE MORE TRY.

ONE LAST CHANCE.

 

I expect it’s impossible.

 

B.M.W. – why?

 

(it’s sad…)

 

BEATRICE

MIRAnda

WASp

 




 

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Next time: ‘Unrequited love…’

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