The Winterfood Diaries

The Winterfood Diaries

Friday, 8 July 1988

Mental Vomit


‘P-Machinery (Polish)’ – Propaganda



 

LAST NITE, I dreamt of tonnes of stuff.

 

I was in a house (deserted) with William Hartnell as Doctor Who, and his companions, Ian and Barbara.  A girl comes in and turfs us all out.  So I go stay with a friend – NATALIA.  I share a bed with her and Mark.  I cry when she kisses Mark, because I love her.  Nat reacts by storming off screaming, because she’s torn between the two of us.  I run out into the night streets and meet up with Suzi.  We go in an Off Licence, where she steals a bottle of MARTINI and is arrested.  I walk away.  When I return to find her after coming up with an elaborate story for the police, I discover she has been locked away.  So I choose a bottle to buy and look through some Pornographik magazines from the USA, all of which feature violence, torture, necrophilia and sex with Demons and Zombies.  I am immensely turned on by the images, but before I have the chance to buy any, a drunk starts pestering me and so I leave.  Outside, I meet up with my cousin, Martin.  We walk about, drinking whisky, and score some dope.  Then I meet a goth-girl.  I pull her clothes off + underneath, she is a trendy.  We walk around the city together and kiss a lot.  I then meet up with Martin again and Suzi comes along, now free, but as the drunk returns to pester us, we leave her with him and get on an underground train with Arundel.  We score some more dope, near a policeman, but we get away with it…

 

Better than the dream I had the night before…

 

‘The Dance of Death’ – The Venomettes

 

KAT WROTE AND RANG TODAY.

 

Dearest Ritcherd,

 

I loved your letter.

 

I’ve got so much to tell you.

 

Belinda and Harry are moving and are having a party the weekend you’re next up.  Apparently Belinda doesn’t want to live with Harry.  Shouldn’t think Harry’s over-the-moon living with her.

 

Anyway, let’s not talk about trivial things!

 

I don’t really want to go up on Saturday if you aren’t to be there! 

 

Willock and I are getting on reasonably well, but we both keep collapsing into tears and arguments.  I do love him so much, but I get so excited when I’m with you.  It’s like we’re visions of each other and I need you more than you’ll ever know!

 

I can’t wait to be wicked, evil, imperious, deadly and shocking together; love and bloodlust and passion.  When I got your letter, this morning, my desire was overwhelming.  I need to see/hear from you as soon as possible.

 

If you long for something, anything is possible.  Like you said, our spirits must entwine.  It is fate and we must be together.  My love for you is deep and I long to be with you.

 

Don’t leave me, EVER!  

 

Soon we shall be one, together and inseparable.

 

Why did Willock say that me ‘n’ you now are like you ‘n’ Naomi were then?  (Naomi’s going out with Zig now)  God, I love Willock, but I love and need you so much.  I long to see and hold you more than ever.  It will be soon.

 

I LOVE YOU, RITCHERD.

 

Please write as soon as you can.

 

All my love, now and forever,

And Lust

Kat the Countess

Your Countess

xxx

xxx

 

P.S. How’s the song about me going?

P.P.S. Hope you liked the photo!?

 

SEX + ViOlence, eh?

 

She misses me.  I miss her.  It’s been a long time.  She’ll come and visit me in my home soon.  ONE DAY…

 

I need NATALIA just as much.  Where is she these days?

 

Later:

4.05pm.

 

‘Memories of Green’ – New American Orchestra



 

DID THE OUIJA TAKE ITS REVENGE?

 

Ady lost £50, whilst asleep at Naomi’s that night?

 

WHO IS THE PRIME SUSPECT?

 

Or, to put it another way:   WHO SLEPT NEXT TO ADY?

 

ANSWER:                              

StAN(k)!!

 

THERE IS A GOOD SIDE AND A BAD SIDE TO RITCHERD JON WINTERFOOD, BUT THEY ARE SO INTRINSICALLY INTERTWINED THAT, CONSEQUENTLY, IT IS HARD TO DIFFERENTIATE BETWEEN THE TWO…

 

BUT LET THIS BE KNOWN: SOMEHOW, IN SOME UNDEFINED WAY OF THE QUART, KAT HILL COAXES SOMETHING DARK AND BEAUTIFUL FROM HIM.  NAT BALANCES THIS BY PROVOKING LIGHT AND PURITY FROM HIM.  FLASH IS THE INTELLECTUAL BRIDGE BETWEEN THE TWO.

 

Doctor Who

The Ice Warriors by BRIAN HAYLES is nearly finished.  Not amazing by any means, but better than I’d expected.  You see, what I’m trying to do is read all these Doctor Who books that I possess but have, at some time or other, started to read and abandoned or haven’t even attempted yet.

 

PREDICTIONS:

Enemy Of The World will be crap.

The Dominators might be okay.

The Claws Of Axos will be utter shight.

The Doomsday Weapon will be okay.

The Monster Of Peladon will be crap.

The Loch Ness Monster will be good.

The Talons Of Weng- Chiang will be crap.

Image Of The Fendahl will be crap.

The Sun Makers will be good.

The Invasion Of Time will be okay.

The Horns Of Nimon will be crap.

Full Circle will be okay.

And I’m looking forward to Warriors’ Gate, Time-Flight, Terminus, Enlightenment and Frontios.

 

All week, I’ve just been dying for Natalia’s visit tomorrow.  Knowing my luck, she’s decided not to bother.

 

OH PLEASE NAT…

KAM TO ME HARSE… matey!

 

Later:

 

‘Groundhog’ – The Groundhogs



 

‘OH NO!  LOOK – IT’S

JODY

- the typical USA Horror Twat!’

 

Jody tensed the flesh in his wrist, pressing his palm hard to the cold stone floor.  His eyes felt like they were ripping into the back of his head as he stifled a cry of pain and fear. 

His limp legs lay shattered beneath, behind him – shattered like his mind.

Jody wasn’t entirely sure where he was, beyond the pain that seemed to have infiltrated his very being.  Things had happened too fast.

Sure, the floor was made of cold stone, and he was indoors, but the room was very obviously dark.  Straining to lift his neck, he fixed his eyes upon a thin shaft of pale light that had managed to slice its way through the gloom. 

Perhaps this was his way out?  If only he could get his legs to work.

Something in the distance whined a baleful whine that seemed to echo above him for far too long.

Jody remembered where he was.

One word burned itself through his broken mind: WOLVES.

The arm that was supporting his weight was painfully tired, so he rotated for the support of the other, only to collapse as the arm fell limp to the floor.  It was lifeless, dead, torn and bloodied by the teeth of a savagery almost as old as the Earth itself.

Jody knew where he was.

Jody was in hell.

Jody was a wobbly blob of stinking shaight that not even BERWIN GROOMSTOOL would eat for breakfast.

Then the wolves came in and said, ‘Ha-ha!  We’re just fierce squirrels, really!’

 

Later:

9.46pm.

 

Legs rang tonite.  He be in WIZZA tomorrow.  He a nice flad.  He come to NOORETCH with me next weekend.  He a pretty boy.  He a squirrel.  Not a wolf.  He not wanna faight.  He not seven.  He a squirrel.  Good on him.

 

‘Dedicated To the One I Love’ - The Mamas & the Papas


 

God!  I’ve been trying to ring Natalia, and I just can’t get through.  WHAT A SOD!  SOD ME!  SOD ME, MATEYBOY!  SOOOOD ME!  FOOK A DOG, OR WHAT, eh? 

 

I LOVE NAT.  I REALLY DO.

 

I WISH WE’D BEEN IN TOUCH.

 

She’d better come tomorrow, or I go stupid and lick all the labels off Flash’s records! 

 

BOOOO-GAAAAARGH!

 

Katrisha and Nat – for whom do I feel the strongest? 

 

I dare not think.  I SHALL NOT.

 

I mean, Nat and I do not touch.  But we feel together.  WE feel good, happy things that I enjoy and get excited about.

 

Kat and I touch, kiss AND feel.  We feel a lot of the same things I feel with Nat, but with Kat they become darker, evil, cancerous and malevolent things that thrill and frighten me.

 

I DARE NOT COMPARE.  My mind blocks itself from my soul on this subject.  IT’S A TENSE SUBJECT FOR ME.  I CAN DO NOTHING BUT LET THE WORLD CONTINUE AROUND ME AND SIMPLY PLAY MY PART WITHIN IT.

 

WHILE I LIVE, I HOPE…

 

I DID NOT BELIEVE SUCH A BEAUTIFUL BUT HORRIFYING SITUATION COULD EXIST…

 

Lately, Natalia has gone slightly ‘under the radar’ as a SKILL FRIEND.  But that’s because we’ve hardly seen each other.  Out of sight, out of mind and all that.  BUT I KNOW I WANT MORE AND –

 

oh god

Shut up!!

 

Shut up!

Shut up!

 

I listened to FRANKIE GOES TO HOLLYWOOD today, through sheer and utter boredom.

 

‘PLODDING ABOUT BEING BOO-HADDE…’

 

But as I sat and listened to the tunes of yesteryear, my mind sank back to 1984 and that wondrous walk I went on with my cousin, Martin.  He and I spoke to a girl we passed: AMANDA JONES.  And I ‘went out’ with her, which was happy while it lasted.  It was too brief, though, all too brief. 

 

OF COURSE, since then…  Manda has gone on to go out with Flash a couple of times and become a semi-regular friend of mine.  But today I got such a beautiful pang of nostalgia thinking of the dear young AMAND JONES.  And, yes, I have ‘fancied’ her for a long time – every time I’ve seen her, in fact – and that’s something I’ve carried silently in my soul.  And sometimes not so silently.

 

the BUMMERS

in

AMERiCA

Songbook…

FEATURING LYRICAL DELITES BY:

Danyel Gordon, Ritcherd J Winterfood & STAN WANKLICK

 

FAVE LPs at moment:

Presence – Led Zeppelin

Led Zep IV – Led Zeppelin

The Ideal Copy – Wire

Blade Runner Soundtrack – New American Orchestra

The Ninth Wave – Kate Bush

Lionheart – Kate Bush

The Batcave – Various

The Divine Punishment – Diamanda Galas

A Secret Wish – Propaganda

 

Later:

10.20pm.

 

‘Body Electric (New Version)’ – The Sisters of Mercy



 

I’ve just returned from an evening’s dark sojourn into a rain-drenched storm.  This storm of rain clouds, thrusting their spears of rain at the thirsty Earth, was an ecstasy for this Child of the Storm. 

 

It was wonderful to stand on the edge of the misty fields, beneath the first slow fall of rain, whilst hearing the distant heavy showering come closer and closer.  Finally, the entire air became a mist of rayne that almost drowned me.  The feeling was sensational; to feel the storm upon one’s body (albeit, minus the magnificent background accompaniment of thunder + lightning, which was, to say the least, a mite disappointing), to feel the rayne teasing and then stinging one’s skin…

 

I feel full of ecstasy once again.  Wholesome.  Beautiful and Powerful.

 

The Children of the Storm live on.

 

AMEN TO THAT.

 

Later:

11.30pm.

 

‘Beat Dis’ – Bomb the Bass



 

A spiky headed punk elf, pouting to offset the golden dangle of loop earrings in his sharp ears…

 

Well, well, well…

 

Flash rang tonite, did you know, kids?  DID YOU KNOW THAT FLASH RANG? 

 

And YES it is time THE ROBBERS came back…

 

In fact, The Robbers have a brand new season of 20 adventures:

 

Galaxy Of Robbers

Mission Of The Robbers

The Robbers Have A Wank

The Robber Machines

Where Have All The Robbers Gone?

Shit On My Robber’s Farooka

The Power Of The Robbers

Escape To Danger

The Underwater Robbers

The Robbers Have A Raight Macker Sloppy Wobbly Repugnant Shight

The Robberbase

The Robber Terror

The Enemy Of The Robbers

The Robbers Suck A Sheep’s Willy

Fury Of The Robbers

The Robbers Be Sick

The Trap

The Robbers Put Macker Red Hot Pincers On Sexy Ladies’ Titties

The Mind Robbers

The Robbers Squirt Diarrhoea Up Kate O’Mara’s Fanny

 

Flash has done me a compilation tape of Doctor Who VIDZ.  It took him three days, THE LOVELY LAD. 

 

He can’t wait to come here, and I’d love him to.  Betty’s fine about it.  Freddie’s dodgy.

 

BUT ‘IT’LL BE AAACE!’

 

Let’s pray for the FLASHER’S Visit.

 



 

‘Gorgeous’ – Gene Loves Jezebel



 

AMANDA JONES 

I had my ‘pang’ about her today, didn’t I?  Well, Flash reckons that at some point in time during this year, she ‘FANCIED’ me.  In retrospect, it’s quite obvious when that must have been, isn’t it?  Around my ‘for the love of Flash and Manda’ time.  Apparently, she was really excited and made some huge fuss about me being present in Yorkshire (either that time or the last) to one of her mates.  I find this pleases me.  I like MANDA.  I’ve loved MANDA in many ways.

 

I’LL ASK FLASH FOR HER ADDRESS AND WRITE TO HER.

 

She goes to live in OZ soon.  I need to see her before then, I think.  YES!  I DO NEED TO SEE MANDA!

 

Will she see me?

 

I DOUBT IT.

 

I WILL HAVE TRIED.

 

[This need was never and will never be fulfilled – Ritcherd, December 1988]

 

‘The Castle’ – Love



 

From September, Flash will be going to College with Joanne Layne (he doesn’t mind) and Elliott Barlow (he DOES mind).

 

Why does Elbow ring Flash approx 5 times a day?  Is he a PUFF YE?

 

YOU SPILT MY PINT!  BIFFA BACON

 

Elbow.  Phew.  I’m glad he’s not one of MY close mates.

 

Gay now!

Gay now-now!

Sing ‘I love Katri-shaa-Hill!’

 

‘The Passion of Lovers’ – Bauhaus



 

Yes, Bauhaus are on.

 

KAT, the passion of lovers is for death…

 



I like Led Zep’s Swan Song logo.  I might put that on my jacket…

 




 

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders including works originated by Elton Townend Jones, but excluding any images or design attributed to ‘The Situation’ which are copyright of The Situation (see specific acknowledgements in the ‘Thanks to…’section below) / ‘Berwin Groomstool’ is an iteration of the Situation character‘William Whicker’ and falls under joint copyright of Elton Townend Jones and Waen Shepherd / Based on true events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction – cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is non-profit; all video clips are used for illustrative purposes and always come from YouTube / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context. Never forget: no man is an island. If you think anything I’ve used is damaging you in any way, please comment and immediate action will be taken to minimise offence / This notice was amended on 1 July 2012 and is intended to cover this and all posts on www.25yearstoolate.blogspot.com that precede it]

 

Next time: ‘A Stolen Moment with Natalia…’

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