My No.1: ‘Hergest Ridge (Part One)’ – Mike Oldfield
A MESSAGE FROM MR. B. G.:
‘COR! BLIMEY GAV’NOR! Ey ep. Is thy olraeght, eh? Ooh. D’you know that Ritcherd lad? That Jezzer. Ooh. He’s a raight comic, him! He’s a raight magazine. Ooh, he’s a raight copy of this week’s Secret Wars Weekly, ooh, he is!’
BUGGER OFF, BERWIN.
BERWIN’S RETURN TO DIARY!
A stressed-looking, jaw-gritting super-hero type hides in the margins…
WELL-AMAHZING JUSTINE DEVELOPMENTS!
TOO-DEEHAW, Justine and I spoke a lot and I told her she’d better reply to the letter I sent her hages ago. She said okay, but only if I’d write her one first. So, in a letter, I chatted generally about how I wished I were her illicit lover, speaking of the old times and telling her how good it is to be close with her, and how, to be quite honest, I’d love to get exceedingly passionate with her.
Her letter was addressed to ‘Mr X (my illicit lover???)’. She jokingly apologises for not having access to any Mr Men paper or pea green envelopes and tells me I’ll just have to do with A4 pad paper.
‘I shall try to make this letter as top-treat as possible, but there are lots of prying eyes about, so if this letter is not to your satisfaction we can have verbal intercourse later.’
She apologises that the letter is ‘scruffy and muddled’ and that’s even before she get to the ‘deep stuff’. She continues:
‘Anyway, last night I was thinking “God, what a bitch I am”. Make that a “stupid bitch”. Leighton and I have agreed and come to the conclusion that we want to be together for a long, long while. Boy, am I glad that I am not married yet as I have broken the vows of sinning against him in thought and (who knows what will happen in the future) maybe deed. I don’t really know what I feel at the moment. My mind just seems like a mass of emotions that are overlapping one another like waves and I have not really had a good thinking session about you + me. I do know, or at least I think I know that I will never go out with you again, but maybe a little “secret affair” will be exciting and enjoyable. Fulfilling even. Though I don’t know if I want to get involved in that, as I know that it would be like ‘playing with fire’. On the other hand, it would be good to discover what might have happened and could happen if we had taken things further between us. I am once again confused. Maybe you would like to take the matter into your own hands and we’ll see what happens.’
She apologises for being ‘muddled’ but thinks I should understand what she means.
‘I don’t really know why you are bothering with me, because if someone had fucked me about as much as I did you, then I’d leave well alone. Yesterday, when you said that you were still waiting for me, I didn’t know whether you meant it or not. So what it all boils down to is that we can either have a top, top secret affair and just act as close friends in the presence of others, or you just stop “wasting” time on me. I am very sorry for all the hass I’ve caused you but it was no joy-ride for me either. Actually, I’d quite like you to give me what I was practically begging for in a bus shelter once. It would be a very interesting experience, but when and where, who knows? I’m a “rum ‘un”, aren’t I? And I would be feeling a very guilty “rum ‘un” if I had what I want.’
She signs off telling me to talk to her soon, offering me ‘lots of love’ from ‘your “friend”’.
‘Love Me To Death’ – The Mission
To my somewhat stunned relief, I was very pleased with her response. I wrote back and told her that, yes, at the time we were together I’d felt so much for her. I’d felt great about her. And after we’d finished, whenever I heard ‘Love Me To Death’ by The Mission, I just really wanted to make love to her; to create a unity between us, a stronger love. And, quite basically, I also wanted to feel the joy of making love to her. The letter was all dead dodgy + I told her I’d be committed to ‘seeing’ her, if she could guarantee a retained interest and give me what time she could spare outside her relationship with Leighton. Also, if she’s confused, it’s up to her to choose, for the better, what she wants. I also added that I’d like to make love to her in more comfortable surroundings than in a bus shelter.
We had to be careful + do all this in letter form, because no one – NO ONE – must know. Or she’s dead. And possibly me…
She is to reply in full tonite, but we spent 20 mins alone this aft, wondering around Tec’ and she was hinting a lot about us having sex together, which is what she wants. And God knows, so do I. That may seem purely carnal of me, but it’s not. Not entirely. It’s just that she’s so … you know…
As the buses came to take us all home, she took me aside and, secretly, started to kiss me. I felt good, but nervous. Not for me, for her. But I also felt good. I wish I’d made the move first, but I wasn’t sure if she’d have wanted me to after all her talk of caution.
Thank God we’re ‘together’.
Till tomorrow, folks…
[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders including works originated by Elton Townend Jones, but excluding any images or design attributed to ‘The Situation’ which are copyright of The Situation (see specific acknowledgements in the ‘Thanks to…’section below) / ‘Berwin Groomstool’ is an iteration of the Situation character‘William Whicker’ and falls under joint copyright of Elton Townend Jones and Waen Shepherd / Based on true events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction – cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is non-profit; all video clips are used for illustrative purposes and always come from YouTube / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context. Never forget: no man is an island. If you think anything I’ve used is damaging you in any way, please comment and immediate action will be taken to minimise offence / This notice was amended on 1 July 2012 and is intended to cover this and all posts on www.25yearstoolate.blogspot.com that precede it]
Next time: ‘Strange At Tech…’