The Winterfood Diaries

The Winterfood Diaries

Monday, 11 January 1988

All My Pasts


1.57am.

 

‘Black Planet’ – The Sisters Of Mercy



Hi.  I’m just off to bed.  I’ve got Tech in the morning.

 

CRIKEY ME!  My tape recorder is completely naff.  The tape sounds all warped and rubbish.  It’s completely destroyed ‘Black Planet’’s brilliance.

 

Well, for the past fifteen minutes or so, I’ve been crying my eyes out.  And why?  Well, tonite, Betty and I decided to watch the last two instalments of The Thorn Birds, which we’ve been following over the last week, and it was so sad.  But so excellent.  Well worth watching again.  My kind of TV show.  The best thing, by far, that I’ve seen in this still young year of 1988; which is good, cos these days watching TV only serves to bore me. 



IT HAS ALSO INSPIRED ME FURTHER IN MY SEARCH FOR

 

FAITH…

 

And the lesson from watching The Thorn Birds, the best lesson so far is:

 

‘There is no ambition worthy of breaking someone else’s heart…’

 

I must remember this lesson.  Flash and Dodo?  Luggage and Justine?  Forgive me.

 

‘Seconds’ – The Human League



 

This music is my past.  All my pasts.  All my pasts remembered.  It so reminds me of the last time I saw Ian Shackleton, who was then my best mate.  I met him when we moved to Leeds.  This was in 1980.  I’d seen Ian around (he went to a different school), and I’d often regarded him with suspicion, but we grew to be mates.  BEST mates (long before Flash!).  We’d hang around with the ‘big’ kids: a bunch of misfit teenagers who lived in the Saxton Gardens flats, i.e. Mary Lennox, Alice, Daniel and John.  I, at the age of ten, was ‘going out’ with 15 (and then 16) year old Mary, which seemed ‘ace’ at the time, but, in retrospect, seems very strange.  Odd, even.  But when I left Leeds in 1981, Ian and I stayed in touch.  And after ages ‘n’ ages, I met up with him at his flat in Saxton Gardens.  We were nearly 13, and one evening his mum and dad went out.  Weirdly, Mary Lennox ‘babysat’ for us (but, more essentially, for Lisa, Ian’s kid sister).  It was an odd meeting, following a long time apart, and it was all very embarrassing.  But we talked and, as it happened, Mary had grown out of Adam Ant and was now into Human League and Soft Cell, et al.  And that’s what listening to this Human League music drags into my head: me, Ian, Mary and Dare.  Dare, which Mary and I ended up necking to on Ian’s lounge floor…

 

THE MEMORIES OF CHILDHOOD ARE INDEED ESSENTIAL.

 

I am beginning to feel more reclusive and less available.  I feel more interested in seeking my ‘God’ and my true ‘faith’.  Nostalgia and sentimentality seem to feature highly in this search.

 

‘Third Uncle’ – Bauhaus



 

Stan Flowers/Lampwick rang today and – in spite of being a ‘top-Goth’ – he seems to have gone completely mad.  But all the same, I shall respect him (in a mild sense) for what he is.  I’ll see him on Tuesday at TRIANGLIA. 

 

How do I feel about him?

 

AMBIVALENT.

 

He has also invited me (and Justine) to his 18th.  I ACCEPTED.

 

My hair is the best ever, ever rite now.  But once I’ve slept on it, my dreams will be shattered…

 

O Lord, keep us safe this night; help the poor and needy; see Flash through his school day successfully; grant my soul a happiness that I might inject into those around me; let me be at peace with all; help me with my exams, please, and bless the world.  AMEN.

 

I seek faith in a god.  But who or what is my god?

 

The journey continues…

 

Farewell.

 

Later:

 

Aladdin Sane…

 

‘V-2 Schneider’ – David Bowie



 

Toothache.  As usual.  Same bloody tooth as last April.  And I look after them well enough.  So what’s wrong?

 

Well.  It’s about 9.15am, anyway, and I’ve missed my bus to Tech.  And I’ve got no money to get there now.  I daren’t ask Lucille to lend me some.  And it’s my Eng Lit II today.  Ho well.  I’ll have to miss it.  That’s the gay of it.  They’ll make me do it tomorrow, I hope, if they have hearts.  I doubt they have.  Oh god.  Anyway, this last week has reinforced my view that for the real thing, I’ve got to DAMN lots of revision.

 

I hate having days off Tech, even though, to a degree, it bores me.  I’ll have to ask Lucille to lend me.  I need to do this exam.  No matter how shit the result. 

 

I WILL HAVE FAITH.  I WILL SUCCEED.

 

PLEASE.  I MUST PASS.

 

On a wing and a prayer.  Playing it all by ear.  Typical Ritcherd Jon Winterfood.

 

By the way, as FASCIST’S BURGER BAR will no longer let me in, I presently sit on the seats of SARAH’S CAFÉ, Wisbech.  Nice, eh?  I’m fast-forwarding my Personal Stereo now.  That’ll sod the batteries in, though.  Oh babber.  But I have to, cos there ain’t owt on the b-side o’ my tape.  PS, eh?  Welcome back!  They’re always around in January.

 

So, until the batteries run down…

Farewell.  I off to drink my Kapotae.

 

The grizzly ‘Berwin Groomstool silhouette’ logo of Stonker Music Records…

 

Later:

 

WELL, I WROTE ANOTHER ENTRY IN SARAH’S CAFÉ (HA-HA, BURGER ME!), OVER MY CUP OF TEA, WHILST LISTENING TO SOME GREAT RECORDS ON MY PERSONAL STEREO, ALL ABOUT HOW GREAT LIFE IS AND HOW 1988 IS GOING TO BE THE BEST YEAR EVER, AND HOW FLASH HAD BETTER STOP SOUNDING FEEBLE, UNINSPIRED AND DEPRESSING ON THE PHONE AND HOW HE OUGHT TO SOUND HEALTHY ‘N’ STOP BEING ILL AND HOW I LOVE HIM AND HOW WE’D BETTER GET SOMEWHERE ‘N’ GET OUT ‘N’ DO THINGS…

 

But I’ve lost it.

 

Later:

 

‘The Sea Devils’ – Malcolm Clarke



 

The personal stereo is the ultimate companion on this black planet.

 

As fate would have it, Paper Two of English Literature was a disaster beamed from hell itself.  Not to worry.  You’ll do better in the ultimate A.

 

I saw ‘mates’, briefly.  Nyall was around and we strode and strutted together.  He’s very involved in bass guitars and THE BOMB PARTY.  I said ‘hi’ to Anastasia when she was with Nyall.  I wonder why I’ve grown apart from them?  I waved at Hazel Church and said ‘hello’ to Justine, who looked different.  And extremely desireable, because she seemed somehow ‘background’ and quiet, which suited her.  Like me, these days.

 

On the way home I spied a beautiful shooting star in the evening sky.  A good or bad omen?

 

I’ve been reading comics.  Would you dare?

 




 

[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders including works originated by Elton Townend Jones, but excluding any images or design attributed to ‘The Situation’ which are copyright of The Situation (see specific acknowledgements in the ‘Thanks to…’section below) / ‘Berwin Groomstool’ is an iteration of the Situation character‘William Whicker’ and falls under joint copyright of Elton Townend Jones and Waen Shepherd / Based on true events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction – cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is non-profit; all video clips are used for illustrative purposes and always come from YouTube / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context. Never forget: no man is an island. If you think anything I’ve used is damaging you in any way, please comment and immediate action will be taken to minimise offence / This notice was amended on 1 July 2012 and is intended to cover this and all posts on www.25yearstoolate.blogspot.com that precede it]

 

Next time: ‘About Stan’s Party…’

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