The Winterfood Diaries

The Winterfood Diaries

Thursday, 12 November 1987

Plunder the Tombs

My No.1: ‘Plunder The Tombs’ – Fur Bible


Another letter from Mary at college (written on two bit of A4 she’s been using at college, with information about ‘carbon atom sugars’ and ‘the discharge of electrodes producing neutrons, atoms and molecules’ on them…):


She apologises for the paper and writes while Emma collapses under a pile of books about Cezanne (a ‘pervy artist’) and struggles with the essay ‘In what ways do you think different attitudes to labour are shown in 19th century French and English painting?’


Mary’s just had to do a 4 minute talk, but all her notes ran out after 2 so she had to ‘make up a load of crap on the history of the Sackhouse Arts Centre in Wells.’  Her tutor didn’t know any different so it didn’t matter.  She’s got an Ethics essay to write for next Wednesday’s Psychology lesson.  She also says her brother’s got his exams coming up, ‘poor sod’.


She says I should have been on her bus last night as a lad called Taff (from, you guessed it, Wales) had been on a pub crawl with his mates who celebrated his 18th birthday by de-bagging him and filling his shoes with shaving foam.  He got off at the same stop as Mary and, drunkenly struggling with his belongings, had his clothes whipped out of his arms and stolen.  He was left on the streets of Fakenham in only his boxers, howling ‘I want me troosers!’  Poor kid.


She says the sky looks nice ‘today’.  She’s soothed by the sun shining through the clouds.  This makes her think she’s ‘going peculiar’.  She feels like she’s ‘in one hell of a freaky mood’ and wants do something ‘really stupid’, which she puts down to getting up at 5am.


Apparently, her dad came round to see them last night, but she was out with Gemma, Dan (Gemma’s brother), Phil, Steve, Nick and John (who are Dan’s Greb friends and used to go to Tech).


She’s managed to find Gemma a job at the same place she works, but Gemma’ll work Saturdays and Mary, Sundays.  They’re going ‘up to London’ soon for a ‘spending spree on clothes’.  They’re hoping to stay ‘up there’ with one of Gemma’s old mates.  


Gemma’s finished with her boyfriend (Tom) and Mary feels really sorry for him.  He fancied her for 3 months and she only went out with him for 2 weeks before she chucked him.  Now he’s hassling Mary for the reason why.  He also told her that when she and Gemma get talking it’s like they’re talking in code and no one can understand a word they’re saying.  She says she must do something about that, so as not to appear anti-social.  ‘Ho Hum’ she says, adding, ‘sorry, that’s your saying.’


‘Is it really worth going out with anyone?’


She wants to know who it is that I fancy right now.  She’s dying to know, but confesses that this is because she’s just nosey.  She practically begs me to tell her, even offering to get down on her knees!  She knows I lent the object of my desires a tape and infers from this that I must be ‘pretty friendly’ with her.  She also says: ‘surely you know enough about how her mind works in order to tell if she’d go out with you.  You might as well ask her.  She’ll say Yes, I bet you £5.50.  So, go on, ask her!!!’


By the end of the letter, she’s annoyed because she’s lost one of the sponge bits from her headphones, and the batteries in her personal stereo have konked out.  She says she’s starving and could do with a nice vegetarian curry or something, but imagines she’ll end up having rice cakes and Emma’s sandwiches as usual.  Then she notices that the clouds have gone all grey and she puts gloves on because she’s cold.


She apologises for the ‘monotony’, asks me to write soon, saying ‘go on – ask her!’





‘Fumble Fist’ – Fur Bible


Strange daze.  Fur Bible are excellent!


What did I do today, you ask?


I tell you to fuck off.  HA-HA-HA!


Ritcherd who?’ cry the readers.


Roger got very angry with Suz today and finally confronted her about the Tim situation.  But they’re still together.  He intends to finish it all by Monday, he told me.  He’s also kept mine and Justine’s names out of it.  By next week, then, I presume we shall see Roger going out with Blondie.  He deserves someone nice.  What choice has he got?


a)       Go out with someone who can be treacherous when he’s not looking?

b)       Go out with someone who thinks he’s great and absolutely lusts after him?


‘Hey Joe’ – The Sisters Of Mercy


Tracey has been talking to me at intervals throughout the day.  She tends to go all quiet and stares at me a lot, like she can’t believe I exist, or like she’s starstruck, and I just don’t know how to respond.  Knowing she likes me as much as she does…  I mean I don’t want to upset the girl at all.


‘Watch’ – The Sisters Of Mercy


In a Tracey-style, I spent a lot of the day just walking around looking for Francesca.  The embarrassing thing is that Fiona reckons that yesterday she sussed that I ‘fancy’ Francesca.  As did Emma + Mary.  Therefore… does Francesca realise this?!  Could be embarrassing for both of us.  I mean, Francesca is there as someone for me to redirect my thoughts and dedicate myself to now.  I like her and, yes, ‘fancy’ her, but I don’t think I’d aske her out or anything like that.  She probably thinks I’m quite repulsive, so I leave it in her hands.  No use making a fool of myself.  GOD!  I’M A STUPID SPOTTY GIT!!!  I just hope the future bodes well.  I hope she’s a really nice person.  And I hope that we can get to know each other and maybe ‘come together’.  And I have just got to blow Justine from my mind…


Next week, I’ll make a point of getting to know Francesca better.


‘Teachers’ – The Sisters Of Mercy



I’ve spoken a lot with Justine today about the Roger ‘n’ Suz situation.  And I stupidly, but quite innocently, told Justine I’d tell Suz of her part in this.  Justine got really snotty and stormed off.


Later, in the Refectory, she was the same.  All watery eyed and depressed looking.  Every time I asked her what was wrong, she said she was okay.  A bit of a gittish statement, really, cos she eventually revealed that she constantly feels like crying and can’t place why.  I really infuriated her, too, I suppose.  Cos I was constantly smiling.  As I do these days, even tho’ I too feel like crying most of the time.


Strange girl.  No need to mawnge on at me about it.  Not like I’m her boyfriend any more.


I bought a new record today.  Fur Bible’s ‘Plunder The Tombs’ 12-inch.  It’s dead good.


Betty’s giving me £12 tomorrow so I can buy some pointy/buckle/blitz boots from this kid at Tech.  The good thing is that the buckles are silver skulls.


See you, folks…



[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders including works originated by Elton Townend Jones, but excluding any images or design attributed to ‘The Situation’ which are copyright of The Situation (see specific acknowledgements in the ‘Thanks to…’ section below) / ‘Berwin Groomstool’ is an iteration of the Situation character ‘William Whicker’ and falls under joint copyright of Elton Townend Jones and Waen Shepherd / Based on true events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction – cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is non-profit; all video clips are used for illustrative purposes and always come from YouTube / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context.  Never forget: no man is an island.  If you think anything I’ve used is damaging you in any way, please comment and immediate action will be taken to minimise offence / This notice was amended on 1  July  2012 and is intended to cover this and all posts on that precede it]


Next time: ‘The Francesca Cheat…’

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