‘Being for the Benefit of Mr Kite’ – The Beatles
Mary wrote me a letter (in red biro) at the weekend and gave it to me today. Heigh-ho!
She asks me how I’m feeling. ‘Pretty bad’ she supposes. She says she almost cried for me on Friday. She reckons she has no right to, but:
‘…after seeing you so happy all week and then really pissed off and upset yesterday, it really made me feel, oh, I don’t know, it’s hard to write down feelings.’
She thanks me for talking to her, though.
Talking of feelings, she says she had a really long talk with her mum on Friday night about her mum’s boyfriend Freddie (Hah!). It sounds like they got to the bottom of Mary’s obvious resentment that Freddie can’t replace her dad, but also her acceptance that her mum has something more special now that didn’t exist between her parents when they were together.
That said, Mary’s worried about her little 12-year old sister, Cathy. She’s usually a happy, carefree kid who’s been seeing a boy for a while. Recently though, she read a newspaper article about some bloke breaking into a house and sexually assaulting a young girl. Since then, she’s been really worried, can’t sleep and hates being alone. Mary’s tried talking to her, as they get on quite well, but it hasn’t helped. Nor does it help that her brother teases her about it. She says she’ll go and pick up her wages and maybe spoil her sister with something to cheer her up.
She apologises for pouring out her troubles to me, but I’m the only person she can talk to as Gemma is at work.
Even so, she’s writing whilst getting ready to take Emma out (‘Kinky, ehh?’). Emma hardly ever goes out, so Mary’s dragging her off to some discos. As Emma’s not used to drinking, Mary assumes she’ll end up ‘pissed out of her brains’. She thinks Emma should have a party when her parents go on holiday, even though she’s worried there’ll be mess and breakages. Emma thinks she can surely find somewhere to hide all the breakable and valuable stuff for one night.
She then asks:
‘Anyway, what are you scheming with Roger, Suz + Justine? Or aren’t you going to tell us?’
She continues the letter on Sunday, after work, while the football team play the hockey team at hockey on the school field opposite her house; her mum is at a garden centre with Simon + Cathy; and Robin skateboards on the landing to The Beach Boys. Gemma’s also there: refusing to make the tea, and saying ‘hello’ to me.
Mary says Emma seemed to enjoy herself on Saturday night, but Mary got locked out as her mum had left her keys in the other side of the lock, which made Mary think she was more pissed than she actually was. This wasn’t a good position to be in at 3am, especially as she knew she was starting work at 7am.
She’s depressed because she lost one of her gloves ‘down the wine bar’. She had a ‘right laugh’ though, especially when Gemma fell down the stairs. She’s disappointed in Gemma because she got off with a ‘real Yuppie’ called Liam, with ‘posh clothes, a snobby accent and snobby parents’.
‘It was sick. He only looked 14 and wouldn’t stop messing about with my hair as it was all up. He thought he was bloody marvellous for some reason.’
She tells me not to depress myself over Francesca, and that it’s a lot nicer seeing me happy. She says I should go out and spoil myself and not put myself through hell.
Gemma also tells me to cheer up and not be depressed, because Mary will only worry about me. She also tells me that Mary looks ‘really good’ at weekends in her ‘black leggings, mini-skirt, etc + her hair all up’.
‘Okay,’ says Mary, returning to the subject of Francesca, ‘so it’s difficult but there’s bound to be someone out there dying to get their hands on you!’
The letter finishes with this, from Emma:
‘May I just say that page 2 makes me sound a right cripple, so I’ll put a few facts straight. I hardly ever go out cos there’s nowhere to go + no one to go with. And I can handle more drink than Mary thinks I can.’
‘Slowkill’ – Fields of the Nephilim
Doctor Who: Delta And The Bannermen (Part Three) was on tonight. Really good.
Flash should have moved.
Francesca’s gone, too.
This is reality. Not a dream. I got into Tech and I was very depressed. Just looking about. Hoping that it was all a lie. I sat with Holly Blue and told her what had happened. She was pretty much amazed. And said, ‘Plenty more fish in the sea.’ None that I want to get to know that much, though, Holly.
I told Sarah what had happened. She said, ‘Plenty more blah, blah.’ Doesn’t help me all that much, does it? What am I supposed to say to that? ‘Oh fair enough, I’ll go out and find one now. Whatever was I thinking?’ Have these people no heart?
‘Volcane’ – Fields Of The Nephilim
I eventually saw Luggage and he wondered why I was so depressed. I wouldn’t tell him. He fancies a new girl now. He and I went for a walk. And I went to all the places in THAT dream, and all the places in which I saw her in the final minutes of my Black Friday. I told Luggage my unhappy story and he was well taken aback, but he saw a lot of things slip into place and fit together. He found it quite sad. Which was good of him. And he’s the last person I expect or even deserve sympathy from. I really DO see his point of view in the ORIGINAL Justine situation since my Dark Dream on Suicidal Saturday. We spoke of times gone. I told him how I often chatted to Francesca ‘n’ exchanged tapes ‘n’ records when none of my ‘mates’ were there. About how my interest in Francesca had slowly built up. He seemed a little embarrassed and repentant that he’d believed I was ‘after’ ‘his’ Anastasia. But, no, I had taken a distant and respectful interest in Francesca.
In a way, I wish I’d never met Justine. Luggage would be a happy man now. Although I doubt it. And I would have probably turned my attentions straight onto Francesca.
Luggage and I chatted further and I admitted to the times I’d wander around Tech just to get a glimpse of Francesca, and the times I’d see her working in the Library and deliberately go and talk to a nearby mate or something. Luggage knew Francesca a lot better than I did, so I asked him what she was really like. He said he’d hardly spoken to her, but she was nice enough. He admitted that he had known since he’d first met her that she was going to Canada. He also remembered that when he first met her, he actually thought she and I would be absolutely perfect together. Which made me feel a little sadder.
‘Dust’ – Fields Of The Nephilim
BUT I AM HAPPY NOW! MY WEEKEND DEPRESSION IS OVER!!!
WELL… BEFORE I TELL YOU, HERE’S SOME INFORMATION I DISCOVERED ABOUT FRANCESCA TODAY…
(It’s not much, but I intend to find out more…)
a) She used to live in Watton.
b) She’s known Anastasia since she was six.
c) At Tech, she was doing Law, Sociology, Psychology and two others at ‘O’ Level. Or, rather, GCSE.
So why am I happy?
‘Naked And Savage’ – The Mission
Well… as I moped over Francesca all day, I finally decided to go and talk to Mad Ruth, who was sitting with Hazel Church.
Mad Ruth said, ‘Francesca wants your address.’
I quivered and nearly collapsed in a fit of happiness, just as Anastasia came round the corner.
Anastasia said, ‘Francesca wants your address.’
I was so amazed. We can communicate over this gap that has grown inside my heart. I felt my soul lifting. I was so happy. And I still am. At last. We can be friends. We will get to know each other. Maybe it’s better this way. Whatever. I am so happy that she will write. And I can’t wait.
Monday, I love you.
FRANCESCA, I CAN’T WAIT TO GET IN TOUCH!!!
What can I say? I am just so happy. This is better than NOTHING. Francesca is my friend. I can say that now. And really treasure her in my soul. I shall give my address to all her Tech mates and it’s bound to get to her through at least one of them. I must ask Anastasia for a photo of her. This is what life’s about. The happy moments. The love. The respect. The friendship. Francesca.
‘Wild Honey Pie’ – The Beatles
Oh god. I wish I had the 7-inch of ‘In The Clouds’ by All About Eve. I could buy it tomorrow, I suppose. EEURGH! Singles! ACH!
Luggage talked to Tracey today. She still ‘fancies’ me. Which pisses me off.
As for Roger and Blondie. I don’t care what happens there any more. He’s just hopeless.
Rumour has it that Justine ‘got off’ with Naffa, one of her boyfriends from ages ago. I asked her if this was true, but she denied it.
‘New Christian Music’ – Alien Sex Fiend
On top of all this, Jack told me that a new 5th year girl at his school came up to him today and he was well shocked, as he had no idea who she was. He thought he was in trouble.
She said, ‘You’re Ritcherd’s brother, aren’t you?’
He said, ‘Yeah…’
She said, ‘All the 5th years have told me about him. Say hello to him from me.’
Jack says to me: ‘I’m sure she’s a Goth! She was pale with black spiky hair, skull wristbands and a crucifix.’
I’ve asked him to ask her to write me a note, telling me who she is. Interesting…
Oh, thank the lord for FRANCESCA, and beauty and happiness.
I love life
PS. I look forward to eating my words…
I shall see you one day soon, I hope.
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Next time: ‘More of the usual nonsense…’