‘Being for the Benefit of Mr Kite’ – The Beatles
Mary wrote me a letter (in red biro) at the weekend and gave it to me
today. Heigh-ho!
She
asks me how I’m feeling. ‘Pretty bad’
she supposes. She says she almost cried
for me on Friday. She reckons she has no
right to, but:
‘…after
seeing you so happy all week and then really pissed off and upset yesterday, it
really made me feel, oh, I don’t know, it’s hard to write down feelings.’
She
thanks me for talking to her, though.
Talking
of feelings, she says she had a really long talk with her mum on Friday night
about her mum’s boyfriend Freddie
(Hah!). It sounds like they got to the
bottom of Mary’s obvious resentment that Freddie can’t replace her dad, but
also her acceptance that her mum has something more special now that didn’t
exist between her parents when they were together.
That
said, Mary’s worried about her little 12-year old sister, Cathy. She’s usually a
happy, carefree kid who’s been seeing a boy for a while. Recently though, she read a newspaper article
about some bloke breaking into a house and sexually assaulting a young
girl. Since then, she’s been really
worried, can’t sleep and hates being alone.
Mary’s tried talking to her, as they get on quite well, but it hasn’t
helped. Nor does it help that her
brother teases her about it. She says
she’ll go and pick up her wages and maybe spoil her sister with something to
cheer her up.
She
apologises for pouring out her troubles to me, but I’m the only person she can
talk to as Gemma is at work.
Even
so, she’s writing whilst getting ready to take Emma out (‘Kinky, ehh?’). Emma
hardly ever goes out, so Mary’s dragging her off to some discos. As Emma’s not used to drinking, Mary assumes
she’ll end up ‘pissed out of her brains’.
She thinks Emma should have a party when her parents go on holiday, even
though she’s worried there’ll be mess and breakages. Emma thinks she can surely find somewhere to
hide all the breakable and valuable stuff for one night.
She
then asks:
‘Anyway,
what are you scheming with Roger, Suz + Justine? Or aren’t you going
to tell us?’
She
continues the letter on Sunday, after work, while the football team play the
hockey team at hockey on the school field opposite her house; her mum is at a
garden centre with Simon + Cathy;
and Robin skateboards on the landing
to The Beach Boys. Gemma’s also there: refusing to make the tea, and saying ‘hello’
to me.
Mary
says Emma seemed to enjoy herself on Saturday night, but Mary got locked out as
her mum had left her keys in the other side of the lock, which made Mary think
she was more pissed than she actually was.
This wasn’t a good position to be in at 3am, especially as she knew she
was starting work at 7am.
She’s
depressed because she lost one of her gloves ‘down the wine bar’. She had a ‘right laugh’ though, especially
when Gemma fell down the stairs. She’s
disappointed in Gemma because she got off with a ‘real Yuppie’ called Liam,
with ‘posh clothes, a snobby accent and snobby parents’.
‘It
was sick. He only looked 14 and wouldn’t
stop messing about with my hair as it was all up. He thought he was bloody marvellous for some
reason.’
She
tells me not to depress myself over Francesca,
and that it’s a lot nicer seeing me happy.
She says I should go out and spoil myself and not put myself through
hell.
Gemma
also tells me to cheer up and not be depressed, because Mary will only worry
about me. She also tells me that Mary
looks ‘really good’ at weekends in her ‘black leggings, mini-skirt, etc
+ her hair all up’.
‘Okay,’
says Mary, returning to the subject of Francesca, ‘so it’s difficult but
there’s bound to be someone out there dying to get their hands on you!’
The
letter finishes with this, from Emma:
‘May
I just say that page 2 makes me sound a right cripple, so I’ll put a few facts
straight. I hardly ever go out cos
there’s nowhere to go + no one to go with.
And I can handle more drink than Mary thinks I can.’
Later:
9.30pm.
‘Slowkill’
– Fields of the Nephilim
Doctor Who: Delta And The Bannermen (Part Three) was on tonight. Really good.
Flash should have moved.
Francesca’s
gone, too.
This
is reality. Not a dream. I got into Tech and I was very depressed.
Just looking about. Hoping that
it was all a lie. I sat with Holly Blue and told her what had
happened. She was pretty much
amazed. And said, ‘Plenty more fish in
the sea.’ None that I want to get to
know that much, though, Holly.
I
told Sarah what had happened. She said, ‘Plenty more blah, blah.’ Doesn’t help me all that much, does it? What am I supposed to say to that? ‘Oh fair enough, I’ll go out and find one
now. Whatever was I thinking?’ Have these people no heart?
‘Volcane’
– Fields Of The Nephilim
I
eventually saw Luggage and he
wondered why I was so depressed. I
wouldn’t tell him. He fancies a new girl
now. He and I went for a walk. And I went to all the places in THAT dream,
and all the places in which I saw her in the final minutes of my Black
Friday. I told Luggage my unhappy story
and he was well taken aback, but he saw a lot of things slip into place and fit
together. He found it quite sad. Which was good of him. And he’s the last person I expect or even
deserve sympathy from. I really DO see
his point of view in the ORIGINAL Justine
situation since my Dark Dream on Suicidal Saturday. We spoke of times gone. I told him how I often chatted to Francesca
‘n’ exchanged tapes ‘n’ records when none of my ‘mates’ were there. About how my interest in Francesca had slowly
built up. He seemed a little embarrassed
and repentant that he’d believed I was ‘after’ ‘his’ Anastasia. But, no, I had
taken a distant and respectful interest in Francesca.
In
a way, I wish I’d never met Justine. Luggage
would be a happy man now. Although I
doubt it. And I would have probably
turned my attentions straight onto Francesca.
Luggage
and I chatted further and I admitted to the times I’d wander around Tech just
to get a glimpse of Francesca, and the times I’d see her working in the Library and deliberately go and talk to
a nearby mate or something. Luggage knew
Francesca a lot better than I did, so I asked him what she was really
like. He said he’d hardly spoken to her,
but she was nice enough. He admitted
that he had known since he’d first met her that she was going to Canada.
He also remembered that when he first met her, he actually thought she
and I would be absolutely perfect together.
Which made me feel a little sadder.
‘Dust’
– Fields Of The Nephilim
BUT
I AM HAPPY NOW! MY WEEKEND DEPRESSION IS
OVER!!!
WHY?
WELL…
BEFORE I TELL YOU, HERE’S SOME INFORMATION I DISCOVERED ABOUT FRANCESCA TODAY…
(It’s
not much, but I intend to find out more…)
a) She used to live in Watton.
b) She’s known Anastasia since she was six.
c) At Tech, she was doing Law, Sociology, Psychology and two others at ‘O’
Level. Or, rather, GCSE.
So
why am I happy?
‘Naked
And Savage’ – The Mission
Well…
as I moped over Francesca all day, I finally decided to go and talk to Mad Ruth, who was sitting with Hazel Church.
Mad
Ruth said, ‘Francesca wants your address.’
I
quivered and nearly collapsed in a fit of happiness, just as Anastasia came
round the corner.
Anastasia
said, ‘Francesca wants your address.’
I
was so amazed. We can communicate
over this gap that has grown inside my heart.
I felt my soul lifting. I was so
happy. And I still am. At last.
We can be friends. We will
get to know each other. Maybe it’s
better this way. Whatever. I am so happy that she will
write. And I can’t wait.
Monday,
I love you.
FRANCESCA,
I CAN’T WAIT TO GET IN TOUCH!!!
What
can I say? I am just so happy. This is better than NOTHING. Francesca is my friend. I can say that now. And really treasure her in my soul. I shall give my address to all her Tech mates
and it’s bound to get to her through at least one of them. I must ask Anastasia for a photo of her. This is what life’s about. The happy moments. The love.
The respect. The friendship. Francesca.
‘Wild
Honey Pie’ – The Beatles
Oh
god. I wish I had the 7-inch of ‘In The Clouds’ by All About Eve. I could buy
it tomorrow, I suppose. EEURGH! Singles!
ACH!
Luggage
talked to Tracey today. She still ‘fancies’ me. Which pisses me off.
As
for Roger and Blondie. I don’t care what
happens there any more. He’s just
hopeless.
Rumour
has it that Justine ‘got off’ with Naffa, one of her boyfriends from ages ago. I asked her if this was true, but she denied
it.
‘New
Christian Music’ – Alien Sex Fiend
On top of all this, Jack told me that a new 5th year girl at his school came up to him today and he was well shocked, as he had no idea who she was. He thought he was in trouble.
She
said, ‘You’re Ritcherd’s brother,
aren’t you?’
He
said, ‘Yeah…’
She
said, ‘All the 5th years have told me about him. Say hello to him from me.’
Jack
says to me: ‘I’m sure she’s a Goth! She
was pale with black spiky hair, skull wristbands and a crucifix.’
I’ve
asked him to ask her to write me a note, telling me who she is. Interesting…
Oh,
thank the lord for FRANCESCA, and beauty and happiness.
I love life
xxxxx
PS. I look forward to
eating my words…
Francesca,
I
shall see you one day soon, I hope.
One day…
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Next time: ‘More of the usual
nonsense…’
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