It’s about 3.40pm.
‘Don’t’ – Elvis Presley
Golly me! What’s going down then, pop-scoots?
Today is boring, except that Naomi has ‘writed’ to me. She’s ace. But she’s back with Alex, even though she still feels the same towards me and thinks I’m really gorgeous. Blind, eh? Oh well. I think she’s delicious!
‘Laura II’ – Fields of the Nephilim
I’m really chaffed wi’ Naomi’s letter! I’ll explain it all fully in a mo’, but I’d just like to tell you that at last I’ve got the ‘Preacher Man’ 12-inch by Fields Of The Nephilim. And I like it loads more than when I didn’t have it. Good eh, mates?
NAOMI BELL’S MEGA-BEAUTIFUL LETTER:
The first part is written on a card from ATHENA, with ‘HELLO’ written all over it in red and white.
On the envelope she has written a threat to our postman, telling him he’d better deliver the letter or else, basically!
The actual letter was begun at 11.01pm on Tuesday 2nd June. She awoke that morning with me (‘yes … YOU!!’) on her mind. She didn’t know why, and wasn’t complaining. She thinks she might have dreamt about me.
‘Yeah, that’s it! The gorgeous Naomi meets the handsome Jez and he takes her hand and wisks her off to McDonalds for a romantic burger in a bun!!’
As she sat in bed (which is where she was when she wrote the letter – and would I like to join her?) she remembered I was due to write to her and send her a photo. So she grabbed the postie, made him delve into his sack, and, indeed, he had my letter for her. She thought the letter was brill and ended up ‘lusting’ over my photo (and was still lusting over it as she wrote the letter:
‘Yum … orgasms … lust, etc’
She’s had some exams, and she’s pissed off about losing her bag and the other letter she wrote. She then goes on to tell me of a psychological film she watched on TV called A Last Cry for Help. She sympathised with the main character: a girl with suicidal tendencies. Naomi almost committed suicide once, but her mum’s boyfriend, Alan, caught her with the tablets…
Then she gives me the bad news of her and Alex getting back together.
‘After I phoned you, which I know was the best thing I could have done (thanks – you cheered me up no end), I watched a bit of telly and then slept. The next day (yesterday), I nipped in The Bell to check about my bag again. Suddenly I caught sight of Alex in the corner. I panicked, then started to shake and basically wanted to leave. He came over and said he wanted a word. To cut a long story short, we had a good long chat. We said lots of things we should have said long ago. Alex seems to have changed over-night. He asked me back and after careful thought, I agreed.’
At least she is happy. But she tells me not to feel rejected (‘it doesn’t change anything with you and I’); she still thinks ‘a hell of a lot’ of me. Her mate saw my photo and fancied me. She kept smooching over it and Naomi found herself getting really jealous. This made her realise, even more, that she must think a lot of me. She says she does love me, but she not in love with me, although she’s not quite sure what she means by that and finds emotions ‘such weird things’. But she does realise what she must mean to me:
‘…don’t be too scared to tell me, as I can handle it, but please understand that I can’t really write down what I want to say, as I don’t know myself.’
Her mum + Alan are going to Paris on Friday till Sunday and Alex’s going to stay over at Naomi’s. Sue will be there, but if she’s any trouble, Naomi says she can ‘soon boil her head in a pan!’ She sees the weekend as the chance for a new start with Alex. I bet they’ll be having lots of sex. I’m jealous.
She says she can’t wait for our next meeting and is dying to see me again. Then she sends her love to Pot Noodle, etc. (which also means Simon, Keith, ‘n’ Plastic Nick). I wish she hadn’t. All of them, except Simon, are twats. So I’ll only send her love to him. She also sends a sloppy kiss to Chip and a big one for me. Then she tells me that I mustn’t forget to smile, and finishes by going very insane. I won’t go into all that…
GOD! I’M HAPPY!
[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders including works originated by Elton Townend Jones, but excluding any images or design attributed to ‘The Situation’ which are copyright of The Situation (see specific acknowledgements in the ‘Thanks to…’ section below) / Based on true events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is non-profit; all video clips are used for illustrative purposes and always come from YouTube / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context. Never forget: no man is an island. If you think anything I’ve used is damaging you in any way, please comment and immediate action will be taken to minimise offence / This notice was amended on 13 July 2011 and is intended to cover this and all posts on www.25yearstoolate.blogspot.com that precede it]
NEXT TIME: ‘When the wind blows…’