The Winterfood Diaries

The Winterfood Diaries

Saturday, 14 March 1987

Terminus

12.15am.



‘Cow’ – Gene Loves Jezebel




HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD!



Oh, bollocks to the world.  I hope Flash’s sent a letter, an’ I hope it arrives today.



I’m nazzed.  My head is spinning as I sit here in bed.  I’m going to eat my Coco Pops then go to sleep, so FAROULICHMICHNIK YOU!



Later:

12.22pm.



My bedroom is cool, even tho’ the sun is bright outside.  My curtains are drawn.  My mind and my emotions are numb.  I feel nothing for anything or anyone at this moment in time.  I just feel like a blank slate.  I can only think about one thing or nothing it all.  A letter from Flash has arrived.  I don’t want to go into details about it right now, save to say that our friendship is over.  Or so it seems.  750 days or so have gone, and in their wake so has Flash and all he ever saw in me.  Two years and one month.  Our meeting wasn’t intentional and neither was our parting.  Please say it’s not true!  Don’t desert me, Flash …



I’m going to do some jobs, etc.  Oh god, I can’t even think straight.  I’ll be back later with details.  I think…



Later:

1pm.



So.  If our friendship has reached its terminus…



Later:

3.07pm.



‘Marian’ – The Sisters of Mercy




I’m sorry I broke off there, but Russell Flowers came down and then I had my dinner, etc.  By rights, I should be up town now.  I’ve just had a shave ‘n’ I’m orf to crimp my hair.



What I wanted to say earlier was: What will happen to The Bammers of America?  If our friendship has ended, then The Bammers/The Situation must have.  Well, I will continue to make tapes.  An’ if Flash wants to continue his then he can have the BOA name if he wants and I’ll revert to the original name, Situation: Hopeless (which was my idea in the first place). 



Oh god!  What have I done?



RITCHERD

Ritcherd

r i t c h e r d



Ritcherd  is a

FUCKA

PIE…



I’m off up town in a bit.  And then I’m off to the Fair with Russell, I s’pose.  I’ll write to Flash soon.  To see if he still hates me.  I’ll see you about it all later xxxxx



Later:

It’s about 4.45pm.



‘Israel’ – Siouxsie and the Banshees






AARYUS, theyre’s much point in going to Wisbech now!  But I suppose I will.  Apparently, later on, loads o’ gypsies are off to the Fair, so says Freddie.  He reckons that, dressed as I am, I’m asking for trouble.  Well, I’ll probably get it.  It’s not going to change the way in which I choose to represent myself!  They’ll probably do me in.  Cos I had a dream about knives last naight…  If they do bugger me up, I hope it doesn’t hurt.  Gordon would be pleased to hear about that.  Well, I’m off now.  Might not get back.  Might be dead or injured…



Later:

LATER



‘Inside Me (JPS)’ – The Jesus and Mary Chain




It is 10.10pm.  I’m home!  I’m alive!  I’m well!  I’m cold!  My make-up is still on!  But only cos I put tonnes on!  Well, I’m off to make some cheese on toast now.  See ya in a bit.



Later:

LATERER.



‘What’s Inside a Girl?’ – The Cramps




HILLAW! 



I’m full up now.  Well.  I got to Wisbech at about 5 to five.  I did feck all until I started chatting with Hazel, Lizzie and Astra, who were also going to the Fair.  We sat and talked for a bit and then off we went.  Russell joined us also, but not for long.  So, I had a jolly night at the Fair to take my mind off its worries.  I got on really well with Hazel (as always!) and I really enjoyed myself.  The funniest of the three has got to be Hazel.  But they all probably hated me and just tolerated me for the nite.



At about 9.15pm, Hazel and co. went home.  I told them that one weekend soon, if my ‘parents’ go away, they must all come over for a get-together.  I then set off back here to Blackberry Narrow, walking three miles in the pitch dark.  I am alive and safe – much to Flash’s disappointment, I s’pose…



Why so hard on Flash, you ask?



Well, his reply arrived today.  The letter is a document starting on March 8, where he’s decided not to go and see The Mission as he’s spent all his money on a Gene Loves Jezebel record.  By then, I hadn’t written to him and he was still wondering whether or not to come down at Easter.  At this point, he reckons he is a changed person.  His outlook on life is more relaxed and ambivalent.  He finds that if he DOES care about something, then he gets a bit epileptic about it.  He also carries an extremely large and sharp knife around with him these days, and listens to his personal stereo a lot. 



The second part of the letter takes place on March 9, wherein he worries that I might have abandoned him.



Part three is March 11, where he is slightly distraught about certain things.  His mum tried to kill herself.  Freaked out on tablets, she attempted suicide by slashing her wrists.  She didn’t die, but she’s made a mess of herself.  I feel sorry for Flash on this count.  He and his mum and his gran could be moving away from Yorkshire – possibly to Wales.  This is cos his mum wants to start afresh.  Flash suggested Cambridgeshire, but she won’t move here because this is where Gerald’s from.  He says he’s going to suggest Norfolk, but her heart seems set on Wales.



The crunch comes in part four: March 12, when my letter has arrived and been read.  He calls me a bastard and a liar and tells me to fuck off.  He reminds me how I feel about BMW and how this is the same for him, but worse.  He tells me we are no longer friends, and that he will never see me again.  He also tells me he hates me.



So.  There it is.  I still can’t take it all in.  I’ll write to him on Monday, as a final peace offering, just to see how he reacts.  I hope he doesn’t have a go at Dodo about this.  I’ll have to send her a letter tomorrow, too. 



SUNDAY TOMORROW.  LIFE’S A BASTERD, THEN Y’DIE!!! 



What can I do to save our friendship?!



“FLASH ,

I FEEL

SO STRONG

BUT I JUST WANNA

BREAK DOWN AND CRY…”



A letter’s message is a killer

And proof that friendships die

All because of this turncoat

I don’t want to lose you, I

Know I was always bound to

But the killing hand is mine

And I know you hate me

Because she loves me



Don’t leave me now.  Don’t leave me now…







[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders including works originated by Elton Townend Jones, but excluding any images or design attributed to ‘The Situation’ which are copyright of The Situation (see specific acknowledgements in the ‘Thanks to…’ section below) / Based on true events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the late 20th century, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is non-profit; all video clips are used for illustrative purposes and always come from YouTube / No copyright infringement is intended – just trying to get things into context. Never forget: no man is an island. If you think anything I’ve used is damaging you in any way, please comment and immediate action will be taken to minimise offence / This notice was amended on 13 July 2011 and is intended to cover this and all posts on www.25yearstoolate.blogspot.com that precede it]



NEXT TIME: ‘Loosening up…’

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