The Winterfood Diaries

The Winterfood Diaries

Saturday, 28 February 1987

Heartache Again

This month seems to have been a very bad step in the wrong direction, creating the biggest test of the friendship that existed between Flash and I…

  

We decided not to go to bed last night and just dossed a bit.  At about 5.30am, we decided to go out to the Lime Tree in his back garden, to dig up the ‘time capsule’ we buried last April.  It took us about an hour and the yoghurt we buried was horrific.



At approx 8.30/9am, we went into Pontefract, to a cafĂ© which has sentimental meaning for Flash and me.  Once we’d had a cup of tea, we left and headed for the home of J Dodo Layne.  But she didn’t want to come out with us!  Dodo felt that Flash was trying to get back with her, but after some convincing she came out and we went looking for Taz’s house. 



Whilst searching down the Willow Park end of Ponty, I could feel an atmosphere building between us all.  No one really spoke, but Flash gave out a few very pissed-off comments.  We didn’t find Taz’s house, so we headed back into town and to the Caf.  As we sat, bored and v. atmospheric, a Ponty Punk/Weirdo guy called Gil came over to talk to us.  Probably because Dodo, Flash and I had exceedingly brilliant spiked and backcombed hair.  None of us knew him, but Flash had seen him around.  He was a good bloke, but I bet he thought we were twats cos we all hardly said Feck all.



After a quick return to Flash’s house, we met Vicky at the bus station.  All her ‘rocker’ mates arrived and they were preparing for a gang fight in Wakefield.  But Vicky had to go to Leeds to meet her pen-friend, Craig.  So we all went with her, as I wanted to go to The Alternative Store. 



In Leeds, I bought a Gene Loves Jezebel 12-inch (‘Desire (US Club Mix)’/’Heartache (UK Club Mix)’/’Message’). 

It is ESS!!!  I also bought a crucifix from The Alternative Store, and that’s rather snoot and smaergie also!

Dodo, Flash + I then went to Castleford.  In Seymour’s Opticians we saw Flash’s mam and Annie (my Dad’s wife).  Annie gave me a fiver and it was really nice to see her.  After a bit, we went to see Flash’s gran.  I stayed only briefly and popped down the road to see my Dad.

I love my Dad.  He’s great.  I never say much about him, but I think the world of him.  I wish I could get to see him more. 

He’s now got a new kitchen and he gave me a short black jacket, which is pretty okay really.

Dodo + Flash eventually arrived, just after my Dad had asked me a curious question: ‘Do you go out with Dodo?’  I said no, but then he said that Gerry had told him Dodo fancies me.  We stayed until just after Annie got home – no offence, Annie!

As we walked back to Ponty, Dodo and I slowly ‘came together’.  I had my arm around her, but ‘platonically’.  And slowly, but surely, Flash fell to pieces.  Quite understandably.  His mental agitation deteriorated and he got sarcastic and started throwing and kicking stuff about.  I knew why: mine and Dodo’s closeness of heart.  But I told myself he had no hold over her.  Or me.  And if Dodo and I have these feelings, why should we suppress them?!

Back at Flash’s, we had tea and he was still pissed off.  Following tea, we went out and bought lotsa cider.  Flash got rather pissed as we went to the infamous graveyard – and then he suddenly disappeared!  So, rather worried, Dodo and I looked around for him.  We heard voices nearby, so we didn’t shout very loudly for him, because we didn’t want to attract the attention of strangers.  We didn’t know if it was him or not.  We spent a while trying to locate him, finally stopping and kissing.  Flash then suddenly appeared from behind the church or chapel or whatever it is, directing a lot of hate towards us.  He then charged off, angry with us both; stumbling down a slope.  I raced after him to see what was wrong.  We came face to face and fell into a tight embrace.  He told me how fucked off he was with everything, especially his love for Dodo and his belief that he was the one that ruined their relationship.  Which he really didn’t!  I told him I was sorry for what was happening and he didn’t seem too upset.  I told him he will always be my best mate and that I love him.  He seemed to have calmed down by then, so we decided to walk Dodo home.

On the walk back, I held Dodo’s hand – which sparked everything off again!  Flash was sarcastically asking us if we’d kissed, and was it love, etc.  Dodo told him off and he blew his top outside the bus station.  Dodo and I said nothing more to him.  I hit the drink further, trying to calm down, stabilise and hold back my outrage and anger.  He called us bastards.  He told us we ought to die.  He called Dodo a bitch.  He told her hated her parents.  We said nothing to him.  He pulled out his Satanist’s Bible and started reading out passages, before deciding to throw it away.  I remained levelheaded thru-out his taunts. 

At Dodo’s, Flash used her toilet, whilst her mum told her off for being in late.  I kissed her goodbye and she told me she’d write next this week.  Flash and I then walked back to Gordon Villas, but he started bitching me again.  At one point, this resulted in a near fight between us.  In a mad mixture of rage and passion, I grabbed him by the collar and slammed him into a hedge.  He had a look of terror on his face, like he thought I was gonna smack him one.  He later admitted that was the case!  But I embraced him again and told him the facts.  I never meant to hurt him.  I love him more than I could love anyone.  I told him I was sorry, that I couldn’t help my emotions for Dodo and that I don’t want to lose him.  We collapsed into hysteric fits of crying, embracing each other on the side of the road and deciding that we probably looked like a rite pair of quiers! 

After a quicke visit to my Aunty Vi’s we called for Birdy, who wasn’t in.  So we went to see old mate o’ mine Arundel, who was in!  He came out with us and brought his 3D Super Woofer ghetto blaster with him, playing a Thrash Metal tape with Slayer and suchlike on it. 
And it was ess!  He walked up to Ponty with us, putting Flash and me into a really good mood.







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NEXT TIME: ‘Doom…’

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