Well, right now I’m on my makeshift bed on the living room floor of my Dad’s house, listening to The Mission (of course).
This evening (well, yesterday evening, I suppose), I watched Poltergeist, which was quite engaging.
I wonder why I can’t stop thinking about Jen, Flash, Dodo or Alison? Probably because I’m jyp.
Flash is expecting me later on today to come and collect my stuff. He’s decided not to go to The Alternative Store after all.
Well. In a few hours, I’ll be back home. How dull and very uninteresting. God!!! I’m going to miss being up here. I’m not really in the mood for a return to serious study. But I’m going to have to be if I want to build my future.
I should have written to Jen and Alison, but I still haven’t. That’s because I’m a right shit. But I can think of reasons why I should not write to them. I don’t want to build up Alison’s hopes (if she still has any) of going back out with me, and I don’t want to start any rumours either. That’d confuse matters. If I did write to Jen, all I could do is confront her about our relationship, and I think I’d rather do that personally. 53 days, now. I think it may have to end. Both of them really ought to see my diary; to understand me and my motivation.
Oh God! ‘Dancing Barefoot’ has just come on again. It makes me want to cry and I wish I could. But I never can these days, why?!
I don’t want to go home. To reality. I’d like to spend all my youthful days here. For ever. Or be young again. 4 or 5 years old. So I could make a better job of my life this time.
By the way, when Flash heard ‘When I’m Five’ by David Bowie for the second time the other night, he burst out crying for no reason. Don’t you just love him?
It is 1.23am.
I am listening to ‘Dancing Barefoot’ one last time before I go to sleep. Before I prepare to face the daytime in which I will return home. I can’t express how much I’ve enjoyed my stay, and the company of Layne/Gordon. I await my return. 14th February, hopefully. Before, if I’m lucky…
Jen. Can it work? We’ll see on Monday.
‘Island in a Stream’ – The Mission
HELLO! I am out of ‘bed’, just about! And I’ve decided to face the sad fact that I am a dosser. I think I have destroyed my whole life due to being a dosser.
Last night, I dreamt about many things, and one of them was to do with Jen rejecting me. PREMONITION? Possibly…
My time here (in Yorkshire) is nearly over. I’m afraid so. I hope you can understand that my stay has helped me with my soul-searching.
Well. I get dressed now and go and see Flash and go home…
‘I Can’t Explain’ – David Bowie
And so I dressed myself and awoke myself totally from the slumber of that long evening.
At about 12.25pm, my Gran + Granddad Winterfood arrived to carry me away on the first leg of my journey towards FATE. So I said goodbye to my Dad, not really realising that that was it. ‘TA-TA!’ For a long time. We then drove to Flash’s, so I could collect the rest of my stuff. I took the opportunity to say ‘THANK YOU’ to him for one of the greatest weeks I can remember. Why do they all live so far away from me? I can’t wait until February now…
And so, we drove to Doncaster, where I bought the ‘Never Understand’ 7-inch by Jesus and Mary Chain…
My grandparents gave me £50 to support myself with until mid-February when I will see them again and they’ll give me another £50. So my total finances read something like £86 to last me for approx 6 weeks. That and nothing else. Betty is in possession of £30 of it, I have £6. I want to keep the other £50 secret from Betty and open a bank account. I want to feel personally independent if they’re going to go all COLD and DRY on me.
Well, anyway, my grandparents saw me off, and now I’m on the train, heading for Peterborough – marginally upset and dreadfully anxious.
Catch you later!
‘Joan of Arc’ – OMD
I am home. How interesting.
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NEXT TIME: ‘Boogah yoo!’