The Winterfood Diaries

The Winterfood Diaries

Sunday, 21 December 1986

Wasterd Head

We have returned to Gordon Villas.

It’s actually very early in the morning and I’m about to assist Flash in composing a song called ‘Wasterd Head’, which is all about licking toilets out.

Grooveh!  Grooveh!


I haven’t been to bed yet.  It’s early morning and Flash and I are a pair of tossers, I’d say. 

Here’s Flash:   

Yes, hello!  Aye, it’s me, D. Flash Gordon and I think Ritcherd’s fucking shit and he talks

out of his willy – what a talented boy!  However, he IS my best friend so it looks like I’m

lumbered, so Bollox matey!  And UP YOU, WARTZ!

Thanks, Gittish Gordon.  I suppose you’re quite talented as well, eh?  Poohing out of your gob?!  Yes!


Not quite.  I pooh out of my chin actually and my eyebrows turn into inflatable dinghys.

Told you he was ‘talented’, didn’t I, goth-mates?  Was I wrong?  No way!


‘Suffragette City’ – David Bowie

We dossed all nite and went ‘to bed’ raight early this morning, sleeping on the attic floor.

Today, we got ep and ate our breekfast and then I had to leave to go to dinner at 1pm over at Grandma + Granddad Pritchard’s. 

Flash (who had to get out of the house as his dad was coming round to talk to his mum) decided he’d visit Dodo, whom he now despises.  He wanted to borrow her tape-to-tape, but she wasn’t in.

My dinner was postponed till 2pm, so Flash took me to see Amanda Jones and her friend Heidi.  They were in and we sat and chatted in Manda’s bedroom.  It was interesting to see her again, but I’m not sure I like her very much, actually.  I get the impression she hated me.  Like Flash, I felt uneasy as we sat there, talking.  I wonder if I had any reason to?

Y’see, I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it before, but in 1984, I went out with Manda Jones for 2 or 3 days, and she must’ve thought I was a raight shaight squair, cos I woz!


Eventually we left, and I said goodbye to Flash, who I’ll see again next week.

I’m really please, cos he’s into David Bowie now and has asked me to bring all my Bowie records to his house next week. 

I bet he’s gone off him by then…

This evening, I went with Betty to see her old friend Marina and her husband, Derek.  They’re a really nice couple.

Anyway.  It’s approximately 9.30pm and I am home now!  Back at Blackberry Narrow, and I bet you’re having lots o’ fuckin’ trouble reading this jype diary entry cos Gitty Gordon’s pen has gone through the bastard paper!

And I’ve got bastahd shitty work tomorrow.  And Fer-riggin Tuesday!  Will I survive?  Can I?  I doubt it!  Why am I a toss?

Jenny – I love you!


‘Peace On Earth / Little Drummer Boy’ – Bing Crosby & David Bowie

Hello, Flash.  Stuff your Wasterd up your granny’s hole!

Wasterd!  Biff!  Wendels!  Worrest!

By the way, as to George’s present to me; according to Jack, the quote is spoken by Bowie in the film Labyrinth.  So!  Bowie connected?  Bowie singles in some kind of folder?  Hope so!

Re: Viz - Paul Whicker the Tall Vicar is skill!


I rang my Grandma Winterfood to see if I can stay at her house next weekend.  She said I could, but Betty, like the difficult bastard she is, put me in a difficult position and made me ask her to send my Train fayre down.  God, I felt like a raight Bastodde!

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NEXT TIME: ‘Valerie J. Dickless…’

Special thanks to Waen Shepherd

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