The Winterfood Diaries

The Winterfood Diaries

Tuesday, 16 December 1986

Missing Jenny

I hate it, that place!  ‘Work’!  Not that it’s actually hard, just boring!  I’m into a bodily depression, too.  A cold and zits.  Greasy hair.



‘Anything’ – The Damned

I’m fed up of getting up in the morning + putting on jyp clothes; getting spottier.  My hair is losing its shape; getting bloody filthy.  I hate that lorry yard!

Been thinking again, today.  Gosh, eh?  It’s all I can do at that gip-hole.

There’s a kid called Phil who works at the yard, and (small world, innit, etc.) he goes out with Kirsty McDonald!  Remember her?  The Six Day Wonder…

I think I nearly had an astral projection tonite.  I went to see Jack in a Carol Service at Church, and as I ‘sang’, the whole of the ground seemed to move, and I felt myself rising.  Weird!  Probably just me being shaight.

I must be the most confused person alive.  I miss Jenny so much.  I’ve got to write to her.  You see, I saw BMW walking down the street today and I really must know why I fouled that relationship up.  What I mean is: I must pray that I don’t foul up my life with Ms Taylor from Manchester

Oh, Jenny!  Jen!  Jenny!  Jen!

LOVE ME.  Where are you?


Jenny is merely miles away.  4 days, we’ve been apart.  I miss her presence so much.  I would sell my soul to see her.

It’s 8.54pm.

I think it’s best to tell you, as now is as good a time as any, that with very deep regret I must announce the death of Melba Dench’s mum last week.

My deepest condolences go to Melba and her family.


I’ll be off to Dr Bastard’s house on Saturday.  I can’t wait!  Oh, Flash, I love you so much, I could screw you all nite long (in any heterosexual way possible – which is no way!).

CHIDDIES BEWARE!  Look out for Goolifrey’s ‘LEGION OF UNITED NASTY BASTARDS’, featuring: The Evil Berwin Groomstool, The Mean Mister, The Flailing Bogbonker and The Quite Bastardy Carking Doss!


None of us are safe…

Why do I suffer, Jenny?






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NEXT TIME: ‘Missing Jenny, pt. 2’

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