The Winterfood Diaries

The Winterfood Diaries

Thursday, 27 November 1986

What Did the Kisses Mean?

Approx 11.08am.


I am writing this as the thoughts enter my head, here at NORCAT.  Well, I am sitting on a bench in the grounds of Tech, writing on exercise paper in my note pad.  I’m with Sarah George and Gaby White.  Sarah is filling my mind with strange thoughts, i.e. how can I stand Jen going out with Ian?


I’ve just asked Sarah if she’s been talking to Jen about this.  She says no.


Earlier, Sarah and Gaby said, ‘Try to forget Jen.’  Sarah’s just told me not to get too involved.  Gaby says the more I leave the situation as it is, the worse it’ll get.

Why are tears welling up in my eyes?

They’re both on about RADA now.  I want to go there…

Sarah says, ‘Jen’s getting the best of both worlds…’  She says Jen’s taking both Ian and me ‘for a ride’.

I’m feeling insecure! 

Oh God.  If I try to stop seeing Jen, like we tied to agree on Monday, then I’d go mad.  I mean … what did the kisses mean?  They obviously count for something!  That was Jen showing her affection for me.  Could I walk away from Jen?  Leave her?  Would I do that?

Apparently, Jen’s been arguing with Hedda (her best friend) about ‘going’ with two boys.

Gaby says Jen and I don’t really know where we are.


It’s happened to Sarah before, this has…


Sarah says I want more than friendship from Jen, and she’s right.  But Gaby thinks we ought to forget it.

It is now 11.30am

Later:

Approx 2.30pm.

Sitting in English Literature.

Boring!  Bloody Keats poems!

Why do I like Jen so much? 

Am I stupid to? 

No!

Of course not…

Later:

My No.1: ‘Stay with Me’ – The Mission



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