(Last in present series)
‘Trans Europe Express’ – Kraftwerk
More bloody exams and sod all else! I hate them! Bastards!
Earlier this year, George said he’d get me a new stereo for my birthday. It hasn’t happened.
That Ro-Busters book my Gran said she’d ordered at Christmas still hasn’t arrived, either!
A sideways skull with comical eyeballs…
A bespectacled baldy with flared collar and checked kipper tie…
Now – travel through 6 months of Ritcherd’s life…
ADRIAN MOLE WAS A FAIRY TALE!
‘Trans Europe Express’ – Kraftwerk
More bloody exams and sod all else! I hate them! Bastards!
Earlier this year, George said he’d get me a new stereo for my birthday. It hasn’t happened.
That Ro-Busters book my Gran said she’d ordered at Christmas still hasn’t arrived, either!
A sideways skull with comical eyeballs…
A bespectacled baldy with flared collar and checked kipper tie…
Now – travel through 6 months of Ritcherd’s life…
ADRIAN MOLE WAS A FAIRY TALE!
Repetition
Winterfood Productions
in association with
20th Century Fox
Present:
A MOST REVEALING TIME for
RITCHERD© Cert. PG
SUPPORT MOVIE: HOW TO PAINT A BANANA WHILST UNDERWATER©. Cert. PG
THE LATEST AND GREATEST BLOCKBUSTER FROM WINTERFOOD PRODUCTIONS…
…THE MEN WHO BROUGHT YOU NODDY OMEN VI©
BE AMAZED BY RITCHERD AS HE TAKES ON PARANOIA AND ADOLESCENCE…
…BE RENDERED AWESTRUCK AS RITCHERD CONTINUALLY STRIVES FOR A REAL EXISTENCE IN THE CRUEL, HARSH WORLD.
FEEL THE SORROW IN YOUR HEARTS AS THE FAMILY SPLITS UP.
MARVEL AT THE WILD PARTIES THROWN AND CAUGHT…
AS THE PRESSURES OF SCHOOL BEAR DOWN UPON OUR HERO, SEE HIS CONSTANT STRUGGLE FOR AN ENGLISH O-LEVEL. IS THIS POSSIBLE? CAN HIS ONLY GOAL BE ACHIEVED WHEN THE RIGOURS OF DOMESTIC LIFE HAVE BROUGHT HIS BRAIN TO A RATHER UNTIMELY HALT?
FIND OUT HOW RITCHERD SPENDS HIS BIRTHDAY MONEY!
BE STUNNED BY JUNE’S HOROSCOPE! ‘A LIFE OF BLISS FROM THE 12TH ONWARDS’? A GIRLFRIEND WHO IS ‘TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE’? FIND OUT SOON!
CRY OUT AT THE FATES OF HIS THREE FATHERS! WATCH IN AWE AS JON PAINTS THE HOUSE … AGAIN! WEEP AS PAUL GETS MARRIED! AND JUST WHAT IS GEORGE UP TO IN PORTUGAL?
RITCHERD STAYS HOME MOSTLY, BUT…
…FIT AS HE VISITS PONTEFRACT FOR A NIGHT ON THE TOWN WITH FLASH!
WITNESS, IN THIS, YES, THIS MOVIE, TWO LADS HITTING THE STREETS – AND THE BOOZE! PREPARE TO THRILL AT CHURCHYARD ANTICS! BE SHOCKED AS THEY GET IN LATE! IT’S ALL HERE, IN ‘A MOST REVEALING TIME FOR RITCHERD’!
Starring
RITCHERD WINTERFOOD
DANYEL ‘FLASH’ GORDON
GEORGE BAKER
BETTY BAKER
DAPHNE BACON
GILES BACON
FREDDIE DALE
MATT BACON
MUSIC BY TEN OUT OF TEN AND WALK IN THE TWILIGHT
IN ‘SHITTY’™ STEREO
Produced by: A. Twat
Directed by: A. Cunt
‘Real family entertainment’ The Times
‘…copes with adolescence brilliantly’ The Mirror
‘Shit’ The Daily Star
‘I’ve forgotten what it was about’ The Sun
‘Fuck off! I ain’t seen it yet! And I ain’t going to!’ Smash Hits
‘Not bad. Ritcherd is consistently pathetic’ No.1
‘A real weepy’ Some Stupid Twat in Leeds
INSPIRATION
INTRIGUE
A long-chinned Spock with a cat-like nose…
A cat-faced, leonine humanoid saying: Life!
Life!
Me, without a head, in lemon short-sleeved shirt (untucked), grey canvas slacks, white socks and black slip-on shoes…
Someone much cooler with long, quiffed hair, white rimmed shades, a spiky shouldered leather waist-coat, a long grey top with a leather belt over it, stripey drainpipe trousers and big, big baseball boots with prominent laces (Mike McMahon style)…
Exciting, isn’t it?
RITCHERD: West Walton is crap!
JABBA: Pontefract isn’t too brilliant…
God! Aren’t teachers just bloody queer and gay!
OLD DIARY ENTRIES…
This time 4 years ago:
‘I bought Smash Hits for the Adam Ant cover…
…It also featured stuff about Hazel O’Connor and had the words to ‘Will You’, plus words to ‘Ghost Town’ by The Specials.’
This time 2 years ago:
‘We were supposed to be going to Toyah’s birthday party at Aunty Vi’s today, but she didn’t have one cos Martin, Jeff and Kelly are staying with Grandma and Granddad Pritchard at the caravan in Barmston. I got Doctor Who Monthly issue 78.’
Winterfood Productions
in association with
20th Century Fox
Present:
A MOST REVEALING TIME for
RITCHERD© Cert. PG
SUPPORT MOVIE: HOW TO PAINT A BANANA WHILST UNDERWATER©. Cert. PG
THE LATEST AND GREATEST BLOCKBUSTER FROM WINTERFOOD PRODUCTIONS…
…THE MEN WHO BROUGHT YOU NODDY OMEN VI©
BE AMAZED BY RITCHERD AS HE TAKES ON PARANOIA AND ADOLESCENCE…
…BE RENDERED AWESTRUCK AS RITCHERD CONTINUALLY STRIVES FOR A REAL EXISTENCE IN THE CRUEL, HARSH WORLD.
FEEL THE SORROW IN YOUR HEARTS AS THE FAMILY SPLITS UP.
MARVEL AT THE WILD PARTIES THROWN AND CAUGHT…
AS THE PRESSURES OF SCHOOL BEAR DOWN UPON OUR HERO, SEE HIS CONSTANT STRUGGLE FOR AN ENGLISH O-LEVEL. IS THIS POSSIBLE? CAN HIS ONLY GOAL BE ACHIEVED WHEN THE RIGOURS OF DOMESTIC LIFE HAVE BROUGHT HIS BRAIN TO A RATHER UNTIMELY HALT?
FIND OUT HOW RITCHERD SPENDS HIS BIRTHDAY MONEY!
BE STUNNED BY JUNE’S HOROSCOPE! ‘A LIFE OF BLISS FROM THE 12TH ONWARDS’? A GIRLFRIEND WHO IS ‘TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE’? FIND OUT SOON!
CRY OUT AT THE FATES OF HIS THREE FATHERS! WATCH IN AWE AS JON PAINTS THE HOUSE … AGAIN! WEEP AS PAUL GETS MARRIED! AND JUST WHAT IS GEORGE UP TO IN PORTUGAL?
RITCHERD STAYS HOME MOSTLY, BUT…
…FIT AS HE VISITS PONTEFRACT FOR A NIGHT ON THE TOWN WITH FLASH!
WITNESS, IN THIS, YES, THIS MOVIE, TWO LADS HITTING THE STREETS – AND THE BOOZE! PREPARE TO THRILL AT CHURCHYARD ANTICS! BE SHOCKED AS THEY GET IN LATE! IT’S ALL HERE, IN ‘A MOST REVEALING TIME FOR RITCHERD’!
Starring
RITCHERD WINTERFOOD
DANYEL ‘FLASH’ GORDON
GEORGE BAKER
BETTY BAKER
DAPHNE BACON
GILES BACON
FREDDIE DALE
MATT BACON
MUSIC BY TEN OUT OF TEN AND WALK IN THE TWILIGHT
IN ‘SHITTY’™ STEREO
Produced by: A. Twat
Directed by: A. Cunt
‘Real family entertainment’ The Times
‘…copes with adolescence brilliantly’ The Mirror
‘Shit’ The Daily Star
‘I’ve forgotten what it was about’ The Sun
‘Fuck off! I ain’t seen it yet! And I ain’t going to!’ Smash Hits
‘Not bad. Ritcherd is consistently pathetic’ No.1
‘A real weepy’ Some Stupid Twat in Leeds
INSPIRATION
INTRIGUE
A long-chinned Spock with a cat-like nose…
A cat-faced, leonine humanoid saying: Life!
Life!
Me, without a head, in lemon short-sleeved shirt (untucked), grey canvas slacks, white socks and black slip-on shoes…
Someone much cooler with long, quiffed hair, white rimmed shades, a spiky shouldered leather waist-coat, a long grey top with a leather belt over it, stripey drainpipe trousers and big, big baseball boots with prominent laces (Mike McMahon style)…
Exciting, isn’t it?
RITCHERD: West Walton is crap!
JABBA: Pontefract isn’t too brilliant…
God! Aren’t teachers just bloody queer and gay!
OLD DIARY ENTRIES…
This time 4 years ago:
‘I bought Smash Hits for the Adam Ant cover…
…It also featured stuff about Hazel O’Connor and had the words to ‘Will You’, plus words to ‘Ghost Town’ by The Specials.’
This time 2 years ago:
‘We were supposed to be going to Toyah’s birthday party at Aunty Vi’s today, but she didn’t have one cos Martin, Jeff and Kelly are staying with Grandma and Granddad Pritchard at the caravan in Barmston. I got Doctor Who Monthly issue 78.’
[Text Copyright: Elton Townend Jones, 2010 / Images subject to control of Copyright Holder / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / All video clips used for illustrative purposes and no copyright infringement is intended.]
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